Anyone, but me!

Why is wanting good for others so easy, but wanting the best for yourself so very hard? The sermon today got me diving deep into this question. I pray for others, want for others, wish for others, do for others and forget about me. Today I realize it’s probably because I am living in an “anybody, but me” mindset.

I have fallen into a hole, where I know me, I know my heart, and I don’t feel like I deserve my hearts desires. I don’t think I hate me, but I know that I am often hard to love. I fail everyday, I know the way, I can see the path, and I seem to wonder off course. I wish I could say that I was doing it for a noble cause, all I can say for certain is that it happens and I seem to sink lower.

Today when the preacher touched on God’s grace and the abundance of it all, I immediately discounted my ability to be saved. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows the terrible things I’ve done, the horrible things I’ve thought, and the embarrassing moments that I dread ever having to relive. How could I be forgiven? Surely the abundant grace was for others and not me.

So I sit here outside of church, tears in my eyes, trying to convince myself that when the Bible says anyone I am included. I have done such a great job of setting myself apart, in all the wrong ways, that I truly do feel like I have been disqualified, defeated, and no worthy of grace.

Why would God save someone like me? He created me in his image gave me life to spread his love and grow his kingdom. He doesn’t need me, but I am important because he wants me. I am not an example of how a Christian should look, how he should act, or how a Christian should feel. I am a Christian none the less, a child of God, loved unconditionally beyond measure.

I will have to keep believing, keep striving, keep repeating this to myself until I know it to be true. If you’re in the same boat, if you’re in an anyone, but me mindset I’m here for you. We can talk through it, cry about it, and pray over it. We can help each other by knowing we are not alone.

I say it every time but I can not say it enough. I Love You. Even on the hard days, even when you feel unlovable. One of my favorite people always tells me this way, and I now see the significance, I love YOU!

ANYONE MEANS YOU TOO!!!