Overweight

I am a big guy, I say that honestly and uncomfortably. Funny story about it, I told my Dr I wanted to lose a hundred pounds because I was tired of being fat, to which she replied “if you lose a hundred pounds then you’ll just be fat.” Some people would’ve been offended and at one point I would’ve.

I am comfortable being a big guy, but I want to be healthier so I have decided I am going to make the necessary changes. I am going to change my lifestyle so this isn’t a constant up and down. I want to be able to be around to see my kids grow up all the way, to see them succeed.

In thinking about how much I need to lose and what I’m going to have to change I got to thinking bout the causes of my weight. What had happened to cause me to gain so much weight, why was it so hard for me to change, for me to turn around this ever climbing scale.

I have done a lot of searching and asking what happened. When I was 8 my mom took a second shift job, I felt like she took the job because she didn’t want to be around me. Now that I’m an adult I understand she done exactly what she felt like she needed to do to provide. I don’t blame her at all for any of that, what I learned to do then was eat my feelings and keep them all bottled up inside.

That is where I realized just how much feelings weigh. I gained so much weight eating my feelings. I would eat when I was depressed, nothing was better than a big burger to make me feel better. I would eat when I was bored, popcorn, chips, ice cream sitting in front of the TV as I tried to get lost in some other world.

The weight that I believe is going to be the hardest to lose and the hardest to quantify is the weight of other’s opinions. We don’t realize how much someone’s opinions weigh on you, how much them saying you can’t holds down what you can, and how heavy their words said out of anger, frustration, or just lack of concern can be.

Made me start to think about the way I have dealt with others. How much of my weight have I laid on others? How many pounds have I added to someone who was already struggling to carry it? How much of the weight I want to lose have I burdened others with?

As I change my diet, increase my exercise, and hopefully lose some weight. I will also lighten the words I use when dealing with others, I will help them carry the weight they struggle with, and I will give the love and encouragement I have longed for on my hard days.

Pray for me while I attempt to be better physically and mentally. Pray that I am able to lose this weight. Pray that I will be able to be a better person.

I love you.