The Need

There are some people that manage to make it through life finding it easy to find a “happy medium”. These people never get too attached or too wrapped up in anything. They can let things go without letting them consume them. They are a very lucky group of people. Then there are the other people. People that find something and let it consume every fiber of our being. The ones that can’t let go of something no matter the consequences.

I belong to the second group. I am the type of person that once I find something I hang on to it no matter what. I develop an obsession a need to do it all the time, and in most cases an uncontrollable desire to over do it. I have what’s called an addictive personality. This is something I realized at a young age and it has saved me a lot of heart ache as well as saved me life probably more times than I can count. I talked before about how loving and accepting my family is, well for every bit of loving, caring, and compassion that comes out of my family there is a little bit of addiction. I have watched this my whole life. Everything from caffeine addiction(which I don’t know how some of you live without it) to smoking, alcohol to cocaine. Watching the more serious side of this scale made me stay away from those things and saved my life. I have never smoked, drank, or taken any substance into my body that was not prescribed accept Goody’s. I say that last part not to set me separate from anyone but to show the lengths my fear has driven me to.

I stayed away from those things because I have watched them destroy lives, tear apart families, and watched people I loved suffer and die for their addiction. Has it been easy? No, I wanted to be in “the cool crowd” I watch others having a drink when we’re out or having a cigarette when they drink. I wish I could do that I wish I had that kind of self control, but I fear it would be a downward spiral if even I tried once. I told you earlier that I had an addictive personality and every addict has to have their thing. Some are obvious some are not so plain to see and you really have to think about life to realize what your addiction is. Now there are something’s that are easier to define as an addiction than others.

I’m addicted to wants. If I decide I want something I will stop at nothing to get it. This can be good and bad. I lack the ability to just let it go. I will kick scratch and claw to get it and when I can’t have it I push even harder. I’ll develop this ache this yearn an unyielding burning to have what I was told I couldn’t have. My only two options at this time are to get it or to convince myself I never really wanted it.

I’m addicted to being right. This one causes a lot of problems with a lot of people. I will try to make it a point to only talk about things I know about and to always give anyone accurate information, which I feel is good. The problem comes in if someone has a thought different than mine. I would set the world on fire to prove myself right, always trying not to make the other feel bad or less but ultimately their feelings don’t matter as long as I’m right. I struggle with this one probably the most. I firmly believe you never make yourself look big by making someone else look small.

I’m addicted to motorcycles. This is truly an addiction for me. I know I know how can motorcycles be an addiction, well let’s look at it the way John and I did on a recent ride. I feel like no matter how bad my day is once I get home and throw my leg across the bike it makes it better. I think it’s akin to drinking your problems away except it’s more “thinking” your problems away. When I pull out of the driveway I am now the most fragile I’ll ever be. I have to constantly be on the look out for cars, trucks, drivers texting and not seeing me and even animals. You hit a deer in your car you get your car fixed, you hit a deer at 70 on your motorcycle you have to get you fixed. When you’re riding your mind is consumed with all of the dangers you may encounter so it makes the problems of the day seem unimportant. They drift away become minuscule in the grand scheme of things. And still for the people who say it can’t be an addiction think about it this way. When someone addicted to opiates decides to use they understand it may be their last time but they do it anyway. Well every time I throw my leg over that bike and tell my family bye and I love them I know that I may never walk in the house again, I may never see them again but I do it anyway.

I am also addicted to the feeling you get inside from helping others. I have a need a want a burning inside to help others. It has become a driving force in my life. There is a peace and a stillness that comes over all of the noise inside me when I know I’m helping. A euphoric release when I can make others smile. I have found that gives me more of a sense of accomplishment than I ever thought possible. Something as simple as helping my kids with a question on their homework to buying coffee or dinner for someone behind you in a drive thru line. This addiction I wish more people had, and if they would try it I’m sure they would feel the same way.

For the ones who aren’t addicted I commend you for living a life in a happy medium and I’ll admit part of me is a little jealous. For the others of us I know how you feel. I know how empty you feel when your addiction isn’t being fed. I also know that for everything we are addicted to if we could change one of them to Jesus it would change our lives. I know that if we had a longing to be in his presence, if we had a desire to fill our lives with him, if we would share him with everyone it would make the world an amazing place. So today I challenge you to instead of beating an addiction how about just change it. If you’re addicted to being right convert that to being addicted to Jesus.