God’s Gift

Ok ok I know what you’re thinking. God’s gift really Brad. I can see your minds going. Nothing about 5’9” 275lbs screams God’s Gift. Even though I think I’m something special I’m not referring to me right now. I am talking about the things that we have inside us from early on.

I have always been kind of ok knowing I didn’t have a gift. Knowing that I could learn to do anything but nothing really came natural. Figuring that one day I would find my “calling”(probably when I was too old to do anything with it). Never realizing how hurtful a gift could be. How painful, how you could wish that you didn’t receive a gift at all instead of the one you have.

I’ll have to start by telling you a story. When I was young 14-16 my great grandmother lived with my grandmother. She had for years and years but during those last years she had developed a pretty severe case of dementia. To the point that she couldn’t remember anyone’s name, anyone except mine. I lived close to Grandma at the time as I have most of my life. I would walk to her house before I had a car just to see her. I would walk into her house and say hey and give her a hug. Then from the back bedroom I would hear “Brad, is that you? How about come see me.” I would go back and she would tell me stories, the same ones I had heard time and time again. I was told much later it was because I would listen, I would make her laugh, and I was compassionate.

Compassionate is not a word I would ever use to describe myself. Gruff, sarcastic, harsh, funny, stubborn, and pretty yeah those words really capture Brad, but compassionate. Later on in life I have made it a point to try to have a relationship with everyone I am around. I truly do believe that everyone on this earth is worthy of a relationship of a listening ear. Some relationships are harder than others some require more love and more nurturing, some require you to just keep your mouth shut until they ask for your advice or opinion.

My relationship with my mother in law was the latter of that group. For every bit abrasive I was she took it to the tenth power. Our relationship started off in wars of words and almost came down to physical confrontations on a few occasions. The first time I met her she tried to walk out carrying my oldest son so let’s just say first impression was a doozy. It got better, it became tolerable, then cordial, then friendly, and eventually it made it to loving. No, not the kind of love you’re thinking about but her way of love none the less. June 26th, Jessica’s 35th Birthday her mom was diagnosed with cancer. It’s never easy but if there was a fighter ever born it was her. She started on radiation and chemo shortly there after and she fought hard. But exactly 15 months later she lost her fight. I believe my gift was revealed on the 24th of September at 35 years old. Jenny had been in and out for a couple days. She was talking to everyone and then she asked Jessica “where is Brad?” I said I’m right here what you want, in a jovial tone. She said “I want a hug” she’s laying in the bed we knew she didn’t have long so of course I gave her the best hug I could. She started to cry so I started to cry (as I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face I remember like it was yesterday). That was the most painful thing I had ever done emotionally. She then went to sleep never to wake up again.

At 35 comfortable not having a gift I was thrust into a spot that scared me, made me more uncomfortable than I had ever been, and hurt my heart like I never thought it could, but I was there to I hope ease her fears and make her comfortable when she needed it most. What this helped me see is that your gift is not for you. My gift hurt and I didn’t want it but my gift is what she needed. It doesn’t make it easier for the holder of the gift but if you take your gift and hide it under a bush or put it in a box in your pocket who benefits? Share your gift give it to others use your gift to help to heal to touch people. Build relationships so that when you are called to go and do that you know what the other person needs.