bradglenn79

Who are you? This may be the easiest question you’ve ever been asked. Let me make it more difficult. Without using your name, who are you? That question begs a little more digging a little more introspection.

Are you a parent? If you are you know the joys and the sadness associated with such a title. You know the joy of holding your baby in your arms as they sleep. You know the smile it brings to your heart to hear their laugh. You know the happiness you feel when they run to you and wrap their arms around you. You also know the helplessness you feel when they are sick. You know the worry you experience when they are away from you the first time. You know the doubt you encounter, “am I doing this parent thing right?”

Are you a sibling? If so I bet you have memories both good and bad with the others. You probably remember the fun it was to pick on someone smaller, or maybe you remember getting picked on. You remember having someone to play games with, someone to color with, someone to talk to, and someone to fight with. I wasn’t able to grow up with my siblings but I had cousins that were just as close. I can remember the fights, the tears, the laughter, and most of all the love. They truly were my first friends.

Are you a child? This one gets me every time. I am lucky to have the parents I had. I know what it feels like to make a parent happy. To see the light in their eye when someone talks about you. I also know what it feels like to let them down. I have seen that disappointment in their face because “that’s not how you were raised.” I know the joy I felt when I for the first time was able to do something special for them. I know how hard it was to grow up and leave. I know what it feels like to know your mama deserved a much better kid than the one she got when she got you. I also know that she loves me most of the time more than I love myself.

Are you who you are at work? This one is a bit of a problem for me. I have been an HVAC technician for more that half my life and my entire adult life, so people know me as such. Since that is what I am known as to some I take that job very personally. I know what it feels like for someone to be happy I made it so I can get their heat running. I know the smile you wear when someone says you’re a lifesaver because you got them cooling. I also know how disheartening it is to not be able to fix something. I know how that can make you feel like a failure as a person.

Out of all of these things the most important one is “you are who God says you are.” That’s what we need to focus on. You are wonderfully made. You are a conqueror. You are accepted. You are created to stand out. You are a masterpiece. You are Loved.

Currently I am hanging on that last one. You are loved! I need that one today. Lord when I forget please remind me, I am created in your image and I am loved.

If you’re having trouble today just know you’re not alone, know that I am with you, that I am praying for us, and most importantly that I love you.

I know I write a lot about sadness or hurt, it’s because I am more familiar with that than anything else. I have often struggled with, cried about, wrestled with, or run from the pain. I have also accepted, embraced, and maybe even enjoyed the pain. I know that last one sounds ridiculous and it did when I typed those words. What I am struggling with now is the fact that there are so many different ways to handle the same feeling.

I have struggled with pain for a great deal of my life. Those feelings of doubt and discomfort. The realization that you aren’t good enough for someone, that you don’t fit in their box. I have wrestled with my own feelings of self worth. I have had trouble loving me, but found a way to love others. I have cried tears to the point that everyone who knows me knows exactly what I look like with tears streaming down my face. To some this looks like a weak man, for me I boast in my weakness. Then there are some things that happen in your life that are so painful you just run.

I have found myself accepting hurt as well. I have on occasion embraced the pain. Getting joy out of being in pain because it was my comfort zone. I have allowed myself to be so engrossed so entrenched that I couldn’t see out of it. I have enjoyed the pain because it’s what I was used to. I have accepted the pain because that is where I believed I belonged. Pain was my destiny.

During this season of doubt and unbelief I have found myself languishing in my own misery. Not trying to dig myself out but getting more comfortable on the bottom. As counterproductive as this may seem I have recently taken up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. In this sport we are taught that some of the greatest victories, some of the strongest moves, and the champions of the sport all come from the bottom. You gain peace when you are on the bottom as long as you trust the technique.

Life is no different. Your greatest victory can come from being comfortable on the bottom as long as you understand the technique. That’s what I am working on now gaining comfort in the process. Finding hope in knowing that while you are on the bottom God is with you. Feeling joy when you praise his name in the darkness. Understanding that his Love has always been with you even on your worst days.

When in doubt, pray; when in pain, praise; and when all else fails, Love. Can we all be thankful that our worst days are only 24 hours, that we don’t have to be alone at the bottom, and that God’s Love is always sufficient.

I love you.

I started this post 378 days ago. At the time I was working a lot. I had neglected spending time with family, with friends, I had even put God on hold for work. When someone would ask me what I had been doing I would say “Just workin’.” I was working, but as I was building what I wanted, what I needed had been worn away.

I have always been a hard worker. My family has never lacked work ethic. We have always had to work for what we wanted, what we needed, and everything we’ve gotten. That being said what have I been working toward?

“You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give.” I know that to be true, so what kind of life am I making for myself if all I can give are things? I have been working full time since I was sixteen years old. Over those (many many) years I have managed to make a living. I have made enough to pay my bills, to provide my family and others with all they need, and most everything they want.

What I have come to realize is while I am thankful for the opportunities provided to me to support my family, I am grateful for the ability to do, and I am humbled by all that God has entrusted me with, I am tired. I have been, for so long trying to pour from an empty cup. I have tried to give of myself to realize I have lost a lot of who I am. I believe this deficit began when making a living became more important than making a life.

Today we learned about Joy. We learned what joy is, what prevents it, and most importantly how to share it. We learned that joy is a light to be shared from high on a hill and not hidden beneath a bush. We learned that we are to carry the light of joy, and share it with those around us. As Christians we are beacons of joy, a lighthouse if you will. Even the most dilapidated lighthouse has the ability to lead someone to safe harbor. Today I realized that even though my cup is empty there are people who love me who are willing to share their light with me. They are happy to help hold me up while God replenishes what was stolen from me, or what I foolishly gave up.

When you give be sure you’re giving more than things. They will please the world but Love will please the soul.

I love you.

I have known about God my whole life. Knowing God and knowing about God though are two radically different places to be. Let me try to explain.

We have all heard the God will work all things together for the good of his people. Or maybe you have heard God has plans to prosper you not to harm you. How about with God all things are possible. Knowing these things give me so much joy in my heart. It lets me know God is on my side, or more accurately as long as I am on his side then I can’t fail.

Now that we know that praising him when we see those great things becomes so easy. Honestly shouting praise in those times is second nature. “Thank you God for the job!” “Thank you God for the promotion!” “Thank you God for the clean bill of health!” “Thank you God for all that you have given, for all that you have allowed, and for all that you have entrusted me with!” Honestly those are great to see and amazing to see. It warms my heart every time. As a believer I know what he is capable of in your life.

How about when things are going bad? Praising him doesn’t seem so easy. “Thank you God that I got fired!” “Thank you God for the loss of a loved one!” “Thank you God for the troubling medical report!” “Thank you God for all that I have lost, for all that has been stolen, for all that you took from me!” We never see those, and to be quite honest sometimes in that moment it’s hard to lift up his name when you don’t feel like you can even lift your head. I know I’ve been there.

While these are the hardest they are going to be the ones that change the non-believers in our life. Acts 16:16 tells us the story of Paul and Silas in prison. These to guys cast out a demon while they were spreading the word of God to the people of Rome. They were beaten with rods, the Bible says severely, and then thrown into the inner cell of a prison with their feet in stocks. At this time most of us would’ve given up. Getting stripped and beaten for teaching about God would’ve caused some to change their mind or at least question what they were doing, but not Paul and Silas. Around midnight these two were praying to God thanking him and singing hymns of praise to him. They were doing this in spite of the situation, without regard for who was around, and with zero concern about how it would affect their physical well being. That is a love and dedication like we can only find when we fall in Love with Jesus.

Lives were changed by the events that day. The guard, his family, and to be quite honest mine as well. I am not a bible scholar, only over the past few years have I even been concerned with following Christ, but knowing what they went through to win souls to God, and how they praised him through it all is Earth shattering. So thank you God for all that you’ve given me, thank you for all that I wanted that you removed because it wasn’t good for me, and thank you God for all of the troubles coming my way, because I know they are coming and I know that you will be with me through them.

I love you.

Do you live your life for the destination, or do you thrive in the journey? As we go through life there are ups and downs. While traveling through these valleys do we find more solace in the trip as a whole or in reaching our checkpoints?It’s a question I have often thought about but never asked, not even of myself. Never thinking about it before I don’t really have an intelligent answer for you.

I do understand the destination point of view. Reaching a goal can be so rewarding that you forget the struggles to get there. You have made it through all of the valleys through all of the bad and you have gotten exactly what you wanted. How many times do we put too much stake into the destination? How many of us tie our happiness to the destination? When you tie your happiness to a destination and you reach that checkpoint, what happens when it’s not what you want? Maybe it’s the next destination, maybe it’s the next job, maybe it’s the next house, maybe it’s the next love.

I also can sympathize with the journey people. Sometimes just persevering through the journey is enough to make you feel like a super hero. When the ups and downs are all that you know you manage to find peace and joy in the cycle. What if when we are living for the journey we lose sight of our destination? What if we overlook our goal living in the day to day? What happens if we lose our way to God living for the journey? Maybe we tie our happiness to the journey and don’t realize what God has called us to, because we choose to walk right by it.

I can see that I am more of a journey guy. I am so good at sorrow, so good at struggle, that sometimes I find myself happy in the valleys. This also lends to the fact that I rarely feel like I deserve any good or expect any good to come my way. I often overlook blessings with my head down trudging through the valley.

What if we all realized that the happiness we find in the destination or the joy we find in the journey are always short lived because we are manufacturing it? How much happier do you think we would be if we realized our joy comes from Jesus who lives in our heart? Our happiness comes from within us not with or without something or someone.

Find your happiness inside, celebrate your blessings you found in the valley, and praise the joy in your destination, but never overlook your calling. Today love someone because you were first loved.

I love you.

Never underestimate the power of one. I’ve read that so many times, I’ve shared it on my timeline, and I have lived that mantra. One can be an empowering position. One can also be so lonely so disheartening that you long to disappear.

What if you’re the one on the top? This is a position I’ve not gotten to experience often but when it happens I bask in the glow. That one is a fulfilling spot. Feeling like everything is going your way, feeling like the winner. How can we use this position to help? How can we reach back and pull someone else up with us or even help them past us?

Imagine that one is being the one at the bottom. Looking up to everyone else, being the one who needs the hand up. This place can be trying, hurting, in some cases devastating. When you’re at rock bottom and there is nowhere to look but up because there is no where else to go. I have been in that place. I have been at the bottom, I have been in that pain.

As Christians we are called to love your neighbor as you do yourself. How can we love someone and leave them in that kind of pain? How was I left so many times to fend for myself in a world that wanted to tear me down, that wanted to destroy me. How was I fed to the wolves by people who claimed to love God? How could Christians slam the door in my face when I was begging for help, when I needed guidance, when I needed someone to LOVE like Jesus did?

Now understand me, I am not condemning anyone, I’m not angry, I’m not bitter, I’m trying to help. As Christians we often overlook the ones in front of us reaching for the lost. We bypass the needs of the ones we are in community with trying to grow the kingdom for God. We want to rejoice with the angels when one sinner turns his heart to God, all the while allowing one believer to suffer in disbelief.

Moving forward God I pray that I understand the power of one, I pray that the one sitting beside me is as important as the one you’ve sent me to reach, I am believing that every one is worthy of my love, and that one day soon every one I know will know my savior.

Don’t forget, don’t overlook, don’t stop loving.

I love you.

I know I use this platform to rant, complain, and I guess maybe preach, but mostly I use it to share my feelings. So if I may today I would like to share my feelings on open doors. When I talk about open doors I’m not talking literally, I am talking figuratively.

In this life I have been afforded so many opportunities. I have been allowed to tackle obstacles I was obscenely unqualified for, and I have been tasked with things that were right in my wheelhouse. No matter my level of qualification I have always had a voice in my head telling me I would fail. I have always tried to use that voice as fuel to drive my success.

I’m here to tell you, sometimes that voice gets to be pretty daunting. On rare occasion I have let that voice cause my success to grind to a halt. Now is one of those times. I am currently in a situation where progress has been stopped, life has gotten to be too much, and I’m doing all I can do to just hold on.

I have never thought about it before, but maybe every opportunity placed in front of me is not for me. Maybe some opportunities are there because I have forced them, either out of my selfish desire for success, or because I am in someone else’s spot walking on his path.

On Sunday we heard that if the door is opened by God then no man could’ve opened it, and a door closed by God could not be pried open by our hand. I have sat on this thought for a couple days now as I struggle with failure, doubt, and pain. I have come to the conclusion that I should be waiting for the doors God will open. Even the taste of success is bitter if you succeed at something that doesn’t matter.

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

I found that this morning. I’ve read it before and it meant something to me then but today this takes on a whole new meaning. I am tired, I am weary, I am in need of strength that only he can provide. So I will now focus on my faith, have my eyes open for opportunities that God provides, and most of all I will wait.

I don’t know who this is for, but slow down. You don’t have to keep up with the world as long as you’re walking with God. Pray for me, and I will be praying for you.

I love you.

I saw something not too long ago that said “You thought you ruined God’s plan, trust me you’re not that powerful.” That was a comforting thought for me, because I have been certain on more occasions than a few that I have ruined God’s plan for my life. I have not followed my calling, I have not gone when I was told, and I have done the opposite of what a good Christian would do on many occasions. When thinking about that I was reminded of the story of Jonah.

Jonah 1:1-2 The Lord gave this message to Jonah son of Amittai: “Get up and go to the great city of Nineveh. Announce my judgement against it because I have seen how wicked it’s people are.” The Bible goes on to say Jonah got up and went the other way. Jonah has a book named after him in the Bible, that tells the story of how he tried to ruin God’s plan by going the opposite way. The book goes on to tell how God fulfilled his plan, through Jonah, in spite of Jonah.

That’s when I realized God’s plan will be fulfilled regardless of our desire. He will use us a tool in the best cases, or as an example if you should choose to follow the wrong path. I have followed that wrong path, I have been that example. We are given free will and are allowed to mess up, to go astray, but God’s purpose for our life never changes, and neither does his love for us.

I have been in terribly dark holes struggling with my purpose, doubting his plan, and questioning his love for me. When I think back to those times now I realize I was in a season of disbelief and was following my plan with complete disregard for his. My human brain could not fathom how his plan would be any better than mine because I thought that he had left me in the dark. He had not left, his light had not dimmed, his love for me had never changed. What changed was my perspective and my focus. I was focused on the worldly desires of a weak man.

He had given me free will, he had allowed me to not be a tool for spreading his Love and his great name, in doing so he had used me as an example. He had allowed me to see the dark, to feel the cold, and to doubt his love. In this season I was an example of how not to be. How not to be happy, how not to feel loved, how to not feel good enough, and how not to be a Christian. Even in the dark and the doubt he never stopped loving me, he never stopped wanting to use me, he never loved me any less, and he never left me.

If you’re feeling like and example it’s never too late to change. Jonah was swallowed by a huge fish and spit out on dry land after being in the belly of the beast. He did the opposite of what God had told him, but God loved him enough to give him another chance. He loves us the exact same. Jonah even through it all was used as a tool to spread the word and the love of God.

God is going to use you, it is up to you HOW.

I Love You!

When this blog started I wanted to light my path, I felt the need to shine a light in my life because sometimes the dark became unbearable. In this darkness I found hurt, depression, I found heartache, most disturbingly that’s where I found me.

One of the greatest things we could hope to be is a light in the darkness. I am not a light, I am not an inspiration, I am not one that will move the world. What I am is an empty, hurting, broken man. I have more flaws than gifts, and more set backs than set ups. I am also an underserving receiver of more blessings than I can count, because I am still a child of God.

When I was in the darkness looking for all of the bad, seeing all of the negative I never saw the blessings. I never saw God because I never looked for him. Psalm 18:28 says “You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness.” My God lights up my darkness, how amazing is that? How could I have missed the light, lost in the dark, never realizing if I opened my eyes I would be able to see.

I have been sharing this blog for a little over two years now, some posts coming feverishly as the thoughts poor out of my mind and into words, almost seeming to come from someone besides me. I have started ones that I never finished, and I have finished some that I don’t even recall starting. I have been told over the past week on more than one occasion that my blog has helped someone, it has touched them right where they were, like it was written for them. I never imagined anyone would even read my words, so I was taken aback at this statement. I’m doing something positive without meaning to, and without even trying, simply by sharing the thoughts I can’t get out of my head.

I tell you this last part not to toot my own horn, because what I’m doing is done for me for a very selfish reason, but to say there is a purpose for you. Everything you have been through, all that you feel, and all that is coming will provide you a testimony that will change someone’s life. No matter how mundane your story may seem to you, tell it. No matter how bad some chapters are, share them. No matter whether you think you’re making a difference or not, give of yourself. Never stop chasing God and never stop loving people. Never give up because to someone you are a candle in the window.

I love you and thank you.

I really considered calling this finding the mess, I didn’t figure any of you needed help with that though. If you have read my blog even once you know I am nothing if not transparent. Today is not a day unlike everyone before.

I often struggle with finding a purpose, with finding a reason, but I never struggle with finding a fault. The thing I am working on now is finding a message in all of my mess. I am looking for a way to find joy in the journey. Maybe to find solace in the struggle.

Today that desire that yearning landed me in the book of Psalms. Psalm 118:5 King David writes “in my distress I prayed to the Lord, the Lord answered me and set me free.” I honestly don’t think that I could’ve landed in a better spot today. He goes on to say in another verse that the lord is for him why should he worry about what mere man can do.

I know sometimes even through prayer that dark hole seems to be a never ending chasm. It is an abyss that we feel no light could penetrate. What we fail to take into account is the part we play in all of it. When David asks why would he fear what a mere man can do, how many of you know he wasn’t talking about himself? Now I don’t know for a fact who he was speaking of but I know when I read it who I thought about. You know what, it didn’t take long to find that person either, he was looking at me from a mirror.

We as Christians and even some unbelievers will pray when in distress, some of us will pray when things seem good, then there are the great Christians who follow the Bible a pray without ceasing. I pray a lot, especially for a “new” Christian but still not as much as I should. The part where I fall down is remembering to listen for God’s answer, that sometimes booming, sometimes tiny voice, or the feeling you just can’t shake. Since I don’t listen for God’s answer I miss the most important part the part where God sets you free.

As a Christian we all learn to “let go and let God.” As a human, a man, a fixer, etc. I have the hardest time letting go. I struggle with giving it to God and trusting that it’s being handled, because I don’t listen for his answer. I was told if you’ve never doubted God, then you’ve never trusted God. I will grab the bull by the horns and attempt to take care of things that are so far beyond my capacity, but are possible with faith smaller than a mustard seed.

Coming to the end of today I really don’t have an answer, or a direction. All I can say is that when we are in the abyss, in that dark pit of despair remember that God is with you, and the darkness must flee at the sheer mention of his name.

Keep praying, keep listening, keep moving, and keep loving.

I love you.