bradglenn79

In this world we live in, this crazy mixed up world. We as a population are called by society to be more than possible. We are led to believe we aren’t living if we don’t have million dollar homes and expensive cars. We are expected to be flawless. So I ask Who is?

In this world the people we look up to are athletes, actors, and business owners. We admire their cars, their houses, and the clothes they wear. We desire the exotic vacations, trips to foreign lands, and the money they possess. While in this world we have stopped looking up to mothers and fathers. We have stopped admiring police officers, soldiers, and all of the other people who risk their lives to keep us safe. We have stopped wanting to be the hard workers who come home tired everyday but know where their money come from and know they deserved every penny because they worked for it. We have stopped wanting the approval of our pastors and looking to them for direction.

We as a culture have conditioned ourselves to see beauty as outward appearance. A certain size, the things they wear, and the shape of their face. We all want to be “beautiful” to be desired by others. What we have stopped is trying to be beautiful on the inside. Gone are the days where people look past the exterior to see the person inside. By the wayside are the times where if you were a size 2 or a size 22 you weren’t going to be discriminated against because you had a great and giving heart.

I think we need to get back some of our humanity, some of our love, and our acceptance. No one will be perfect we will all have our flaws and our shortcomings, but we are all people. We all hurt, we all have fears, we all have times of doubt, and these are internal. We should spend our days building each other up, showing the people God put in your life how important they are, and letting them know they are accepted for the person they are despite our problems. When we are trying to be the light for others we can’t help but illuminate our path as well.

Just so you know, I’m not perfect. So in closing I ask you Who Is?

As I stood on the edge of a building four stories up looking at the milling around below I started to see things in the life very differently. Started to realize how much this job was “life”. Not in the actual sense but metaphorically.

On the ground this morning there were six guys there from the crane company. Those guys jobs were to set up and take down the 250 ton crane used to move the units. There were four truck drivers that were responsible for delivery of the four new units and removal of the four old units. There were four riggers responsible for attaching the units to the crane on the ground.

On the roof there were four riggers as well tasked with the job of attaching the crane to the old units to remove them from the roof and detach the new units once they were set in place. There were four electricians who had to disconnect the power and reconnect once the new units were where they belonged. Then there was me. I had to disconnect control wire and reconnect. I was responsible for just two little cables that contained just three little wires.

I had the smallest part of the entire job. If any one of the other guys had done their job incorrectly then there could’ve been catastrophic results. The crane could’ve toppled over the units may have fallen from the straps or someone could’ve been electrocuted. If I done a terrible job then the AC doesn’t work. When you look at it that way it makes my place in that job seem inconsequential it makes my job look less important and definitely less glorious. But as a company we were paid to remove the old AC and install new ones so they could be running by Monday. Without me there would be no ac. The job wouldn’t be complete. And we would’ve failed in what we were tasked with doing.

This means that no job or task that is yours to do is inconsequential. It doesn’t matter how mundane it may seem, your job is important. This world needs you in it. It needs you because you have a place. You are important.

The Bible says we were made in God’s image. That should be all we need to know in this life. It should be the cause of immense joy inside of every single one of us.

My problem comes when I think about who Brad is. Brad is but a man, flesh and bone. To some he is special to some he is as inconsequential as a fly buzzing around their head. If I was made in his image wouldn’t I be outstanding, wouldn’t I be great, wouldn’t I be everything to everyone? Yet I’m not. I’m a sinner, a bad person by biblical eyes, I truly am the least of these. So how on earth could I ever hope to achieve greatness or on most days even mediocrity. I sometimes feel like I am the lowest of the low. Too far from God to be used. I don’t have the talents others do, I’m not well spoken, not real smart, and not very influential.

Here lately after starting this blog and talking to some people turns out I do have some redeeming qualities. I am still not well spoken, I am still not real smart, I am still not very influential, but I am not scared to share all of my flaws. It has come to my attention that my flaws and my comfort talking about them is making people think. It is changing their perspective and possibly helping people here and there.

What I’ve learned from this is that no matter my flaws, my failings, and my shortcomings God is using me. God is using Brad. None of us are too far from God to be used for his glory. We don’t have to be flawless, outstanding, smart, or beautiful to make a difference in someone’s life. I plan to start serving people, helping people, filling needs that I am able to fill, and loving people the way God Loves me. I may never achieve greatness here on this Earth but I will be important in my Father’s eyes.

My pastor was preaching Sunday when he used the statement; forgiven people, forgive people. I have always thought of myself as a decent person, with a decent heart, that means well. I have always tried to treat others the way I wanted to be treated, give my last dollar to someone in need and in more than one case actually given the shirt off of my back. I have also tried to “Forgive and Forget”. Just like we were taught God did with our sins.

This is where it gets tricky. There’s a person I can’t forgive! This person has let me down repeatedly, got my hopes up, and allowed me to come crashing down without even so much as an apology. He has caused me tears from emotional pain that I wasn’t prepared to handle. He has caused me physical pain on more than a few occasions. He has done all of this so often that it seems commonplace now. If he would ask for forgiveness I would try but I don’t know that I could.

Not being able to forgive this person has itself caused immense pain. There is a gnawing nagging ache inside. We know what we’re supposed to do. We are supposed to love we are supposed to forgive and we are then supposed to forget. I feel like a bad person, a bad Christian, a failure as a human being.

I always say I’m gonna do better I’m gonna try harder I’m gonna love more and I’m gonna forgive. Yet we end up right back in this same hole. This dark pit this ache this uneasiness this pain that I can’t shake.

Unfortunately on this post I have no questions to make you think. I have no “this is what I do” because I am struggling. I am looking for help for ideas for someone who has figured it out. Let me know I am willing to try anything.

Oh yeah before I forget the person I can’t forgive is ME.

The other day a friend of mine posted on Facebook…. Who, being loved, is poor? That’ll make you put some priorities on things won’t it? Love is the only thing on this planet that is both freely given and priceless at the same time.

I guess we have to start with are we loved? I mean truly, unconditionally, and without a doubt loved. “I know some people who might be upset if I died.” Is not what I’m talking about. Chances are everybody has someone that loves them on this earth and if you don’t then you have me.

Then I guess we have to ask ourselves are we loving others? Are we showing them the love we crave? Do we tell the ones we love that we love them, do we make sure there is no doubt in their minds the way we feel about them or the impact they have on our life?

If the answer to both of those questions is yes then I’m going to need you to reach out to me and help me. I feel like I fall short everyday of making sure the ones I love have no doubt about how I feel about them. Did I tell them enough? Did I put them in the right place on the priority list, or did I let them slip in behind something like work? When they lay their heads down tonight will they think of me and the way I love them? If something happens tonight and I don’t make it to the morning will they have doubt about their place in my heart?

I know I have people that love me. There is no doubt about that. Sometimes I feel like I can count that group on one hand and other times I feel like they are as numerous as the stars in the sky, but I am loved. You too are loved, if you don’t see it or feel it call me I’ll let you know. God loves us all and has called us to love each other as we love ourself. Think about the people you love, think about what love means, and how you can make sure that everyone in your life knows you love them before it’s too late. I will bet you during an hour truly loving someone you won’t experience one wasted second.

What do you know about pain? You’ve had an easy life. You’re just being dramatic. You just need to let it go. Things can’t be that bad. You need to just suck it up. It could always be worse. I bet everyone of you have heard these statements and probably others that I can’t think of. I also bet that not one of these statements have ever made you feel better. I know it has never helped me. I decided to take a few minutes and rethink a couple of these statements.

You’ve had an easy life. Really? Who would know from the outside. Let’s relate this to a car where you slap a fresh coat of paint on the outside and she sure does look pretty, but what if you haven’t done anything to the engine? Is this car still pretty? Ok this car is life. We are trained from an early age in most cases to act on our best behavior when we are where people can see us and don’t discuss what goes on at home in front of company. So we have become a nation of great actors and are very good at covering up hurt with a fake smile.

Just suck it up. I’ll admit I have used this one on the people I loved the most because it’s easier than trying to understand what they’re going through. It’s easier in this life to see someone hurting and go well it ain’t my problem. They should just suck it up. No one cares about their drama. We should strive to understand what others are struggling with to understand the cross that they’re bearing and we should want to help them bear the weight of the cross because for some that weight can be crippling.

You just need to let it go. Some people want to more than anything in this world. For some they struggle and struggle with letting things go. Knowing they will be better off if they separate theirselves from the situation but they just can’t. They can’t look away, they can’t leave, they can’t stop caring, they can’t stop loving, and worst of all for some they don’t feel like they can be themselves without whatever is holding them back.

One of my favorites, it could always be worse. Could it? Do you know? Did you know that there’s a chance that person was at the end of their rope had tied a knot and was trying to hold on? What if the last time they ever spoke to someone that person dismissed their troubles and said “it could always be worse.” For some it can’t. For some this is as bad as they are willing to let it get. They are done with the pain done with the hurt done with everything this life has thrown at them so for them it can not get worse.

Now like I have said before I’m just a regular person no schooling not very bright but I have an idea. What about if we as a group tried a different approach? I’m sorry you’re hurting tell me about your pain. I know it’s hard to let go but I will be here with you through it all. I know I don’t understand how bad things are but I am willing to help in any way I can. I know things look bleak right now but just remember things can always get better. And to quote this book I am working through. This too shall pass. We need to be a loving pillar that props our friends and family up in times of despair not the anchor dragging them into the pit.

Decided to go out Friday night. Blow off a little steam. After a long week at work. Visit friends and forget about it. Never figuring that before I ever walked in I would have an experience that changed the way I look at a topic I hadn’t really thought about.

As I am walking to the door a gentleman walks up and asks if I have a cigarette he can buy. Not out of the ordinary it’s the conversation that followed that forced me to think. As we stand and talk it becomes obvious very quickly that he has had a bit more than he needed to drink lol. Then he tells me “I am middle eastern and I am proud of it”. Now to my knowledge I had done nothing to make him feel confronted about his heritage his lineage or his religion. We were at the same place for the very same reason. He then goes on to tell me that I shouldn’t judge all middle easterners for the actions of a few or all Muslims for the actions of the terrorists.

This got me thinking hard. This guy is judging me by the actions of others “like me”. He is upset about the possibility of being judged while he is judging. This made me think of us as a whole. Not trying to judge lol but I think we all judge to a degree. Not to determine someone’s worth, their righteousness but to determine other things about them in the grand scheme of things. This Muslim gentleman looked at me a white Christian male 5’9” 275 tattoos all over with a beard and assumed that I would be racist against him. When honestly I looked at him a Muslim Arab just like a man. No different than me other than in appearance. This doesn’t make me any better than him or anyone else but it makes me feel for him. What has he been trained to see to think to believe. Makes me thankful that I have the Bible as the instruction book for this life where we learn we are all of one race and that’s the human race.

By the end of the conversation and him stumbling over his words and me assuring him repeatedly that I wasn’t judging him I felt better. His friends who were also Muslim had walked off when he started talking to me and after ten minutes they were calling and checking on him I guess they judged as well. Talal and I had a good conversation and we got to a good place he was no longer judging me and was comfortable that I wasn’t judging him. He kept saying we are above all Americans and I agreed we are all Americans, but we are more than that. We are people. I told Talal that whether he was an American or if he was only Jordanian that he would get the same respect and love. Because we were called to love people not just Americans.

How much do we judge others? Do we judge people on their skin color? Are we past that? Ok now do we judge people on the ink they choose to put in their skin? Do the tattoos, piercings, outrageous hair cuts and color, the way they choose to live their lives, their sexual orientation, or their addiction make them non human? So why do we not love them. We were called to love people, not just the ones who fit into your group or your ideal. This question is one that we all need to think long and hard about. If not for Jesus dying on the cross would you be lovable, would you be able to love, who on this Earth fits Perfectly into God’s mold into his image? God knows I don’t and I know it too. So I’ll just keep loving people no matter the situation and I’ll try harder to be better every single day.

There are some people that manage to make it through life finding it easy to find a “happy medium”. These people never get too attached or too wrapped up in anything. They can let things go without letting them consume them. They are a very lucky group of people. Then there are the other people. People that find something and let it consume every fiber of our being. The ones that can’t let go of something no matter the consequences.

I belong to the second group. I am the type of person that once I find something I hang on to it no matter what. I develop an obsession a need to do it all the time, and in most cases an uncontrollable desire to over do it. I have what’s called an addictive personality. This is something I realized at a young age and it has saved me a lot of heart ache as well as saved me life probably more times than I can count. I talked before about how loving and accepting my family is, well for every bit of loving, caring, and compassion that comes out of my family there is a little bit of addiction. I have watched this my whole life. Everything from caffeine addiction(which I don’t know how some of you live without it) to smoking, alcohol to cocaine. Watching the more serious side of this scale made me stay away from those things and saved my life. I have never smoked, drank, or taken any substance into my body that was not prescribed accept Goody’s. I say that last part not to set me separate from anyone but to show the lengths my fear has driven me to.

I stayed away from those things because I have watched them destroy lives, tear apart families, and watched people I loved suffer and die for their addiction. Has it been easy? No, I wanted to be in “the cool crowd” I watch others having a drink when we’re out or having a cigarette when they drink. I wish I could do that I wish I had that kind of self control, but I fear it would be a downward spiral if even I tried once. I told you earlier that I had an addictive personality and every addict has to have their thing. Some are obvious some are not so plain to see and you really have to think about life to realize what your addiction is. Now there are something’s that are easier to define as an addiction than others.

I’m addicted to wants. If I decide I want something I will stop at nothing to get it. This can be good and bad. I lack the ability to just let it go. I will kick scratch and claw to get it and when I can’t have it I push even harder. I’ll develop this ache this yearn an unyielding burning to have what I was told I couldn’t have. My only two options at this time are to get it or to convince myself I never really wanted it.

I’m addicted to being right. This one causes a lot of problems with a lot of people. I will try to make it a point to only talk about things I know about and to always give anyone accurate information, which I feel is good. The problem comes in if someone has a thought different than mine. I would set the world on fire to prove myself right, always trying not to make the other feel bad or less but ultimately their feelings don’t matter as long as I’m right. I struggle with this one probably the most. I firmly believe you never make yourself look big by making someone else look small.

I’m addicted to motorcycles. This is truly an addiction for me. I know I know how can motorcycles be an addiction, well let’s look at it the way John and I did on a recent ride. I feel like no matter how bad my day is once I get home and throw my leg across the bike it makes it better. I think it’s akin to drinking your problems away except it’s more “thinking” your problems away. When I pull out of the driveway I am now the most fragile I’ll ever be. I have to constantly be on the look out for cars, trucks, drivers texting and not seeing me and even animals. You hit a deer in your car you get your car fixed, you hit a deer at 70 on your motorcycle you have to get you fixed. When you’re riding your mind is consumed with all of the dangers you may encounter so it makes the problems of the day seem unimportant. They drift away become minuscule in the grand scheme of things. And still for the people who say it can’t be an addiction think about it this way. When someone addicted to opiates decides to use they understand it may be their last time but they do it anyway. Well every time I throw my leg over that bike and tell my family bye and I love them I know that I may never walk in the house again, I may never see them again but I do it anyway.

I am also addicted to the feeling you get inside from helping others. I have a need a want a burning inside to help others. It has become a driving force in my life. There is a peace and a stillness that comes over all of the noise inside me when I know I’m helping. A euphoric release when I can make others smile. I have found that gives me more of a sense of accomplishment than I ever thought possible. Something as simple as helping my kids with a question on their homework to buying coffee or dinner for someone behind you in a drive thru line. This addiction I wish more people had, and if they would try it I’m sure they would feel the same way.

For the ones who aren’t addicted I commend you for living a life in a happy medium and I’ll admit part of me is a little jealous. For the others of us I know how you feel. I know how empty you feel when your addiction isn’t being fed. I also know that for everything we are addicted to if we could change one of them to Jesus it would change our lives. I know that if we had a longing to be in his presence, if we had a desire to fill our lives with him, if we would share him with everyone it would make the world an amazing place. So today I challenge you to instead of beating an addiction how about just change it. If you’re addicted to being right convert that to being addicted to Jesus.

Love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself. I have this tattooed down my left side close to my heart so I don’t ever forget. This was the most painful tattoo I have ever gotten. I think that is for a reason.

Ok now we know the words and that word in particular but do we know what it means. The definition of Love is a many varied thing. Webster’s defines it as an intense feeling of deep affection. I think we can all get behind that. Whether we are talking about your significant other, your family, favorite pet, or even something as silly as a 2013 Harley Davidson Road Glide lol. We have all felt that deep affection that long to be near to something we love. Doing something we love with someone we love.

Love is also a verb. It means to have a deep attachment to. We characterize this as in something we do. I love you or you love me or we love them. It is a feeling put into action. To show them love. Maybe it’s a hug, lord knows I am a hugger. It may be expressed by buying them gifts, taking them on trips, or just spending time with them. Love is also acceptance. Unconditional love, loves no matter the circumstances. No matter the time line or the obstacles true love never dies it never gives up and it never goes away. I think we all know what it means to show someone love or at least what it feels like when someone shows us love. The warmth in your heart, the goosebumps, the excitement, that feeling of euphoria that we hope never goes away.

There is also another definition of the word Love and I think it may be the most important and underused of them all. Love: a person or thing that one Loves. God is love and God loves us so we are love. You and I are the definition of love. How does that grab you, how does it make you feel that you are the definition of what humans desire more than anything else? Love is the greatest gift that God give us. He gave us love showed us how to love and ultimately made us the definition of love. The Bible says if a man has hate in his heart then he is not of God for God is Love.

I think our world today is in a scary place. With so much hate so much animosity and division. We need to get back to love. Do you love someone? Do you show them love? Most importantly when people look at you from the outside do they see Gods love? Once again these are inner struggles I have as a person. Yes I do love, I love deeply, fully, and unconditionally. Yes I try to show the ones I love how much I love them. From the outside I don’t know if people see God’s love or if they see a tired man struggling to keep his head above water. I hope it’s the first but I fear it’s more often the latter. Life is hard it causes us to walk in a light we aren’t comfortable with sometimes which can make us seem hard to the outside world. Love is your light and you have to let it shine like a beacon so the outside can see that you are love.

I know that like we discussed before gifts aren’t always easy or comfortable or fun and love is no different. Love will hurt you more than you thought possible, it will make a normally happy person beg for their heart to stop beating, but it will also be the place for our biggest victories, our greatest triumphs, and the most amazing times of your life. So I beg of you, Love.

The very sound of that word arouses feelings down in our very core. To some alone is the epitome of happiness, freedom, and their go to spot. To others it is the darkest of places. Where they are left with only the noise inside their heads to keep them company. My question of the day is what if you’re both?

Anyone that knows me knows that one of my favorite places to be is on the motorcycle. Sun on my face knees in the breeze. Some of my most profound thinking(some thoughts too silly to even utter) is done while “doing time behind bars”. You’re in your own head. You can think about everything or nothing at all. Inevitably I always end up smiling. It’s the joy of being out on God’s creation and feeling closer to heaven than at any other time. Whether you’re alone or not you feel alone. You’re not listening for other voices you’re not trying to keep up with a conversation you’re not being stressed out by what is going on around you. You’re just ALONE, and it’s amazing. Others experience the same feeling on a park bench reading a book or soaking in a warm bath or vegging out watching tv. Whatever your alone is to some it is amazing.

What about when the ride ends, when the book is through, or when the water is cold? Back to reality, back to the grind, back to your regular everyday. What if no matter what happens your alone never ends? What if your alone scares you to death? Constant thoughts of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or thin enough. What if you can’t escape these thoughts, this ALONE? No matter how many people are around no matter what you’re in the middle of you constantly feel alone. I’ve been there too. I have experienced that level of alone. I have ached and hurt because of that kind of alone. Constantly feeling less than, not smart enough, not strong enough, not thin enough.

Alone is a very powerful word. It is ok, not to be ok. It is ok to be uncomfortable with the hurt alone causes. As a people we were not meant to be alone forever. We need people we need relationships we need each other. Today as you mill around getting your work done, in the middle of your alone reach out to someone. Let them know they’re not alone. Love someone let them know you are there. And for those like me who experience the scary alone there’s a book I’ve been reading, been on the best sellers list for I don’t know 2000 years or so. Find your bible read it find your comfort there. In the Bible you find the words of our God. Hebrews13:5 Keep your life free from the love of money, be happy with what you have for he has said “I will not leave you, I will not forsake you”. You’re never alone. God is always there. I will always be here for you. Call me, text me, find me in the street. I will be your company. I won’t let you be alone.