bradglenn79

Somethings in our life we do because we have to, or because we want to, or because we are called to. Then there are things that are done because it’s kind of a tradition. One of those things for the last ten years anyway has been listening to G105 on the day before Thanksgiving. On that day they have a telethon to raise money for pediatric brain tumor research. With all hopes of finding a cure so these kids can live a long happy life.

As I said listening has become a bit of a tradition for me. I will listen and cry with the parents of the children lost and I will celebrate with the parents and kids that have beaten it. I always end up praying for the families, for healing, for comfort, and for God’s love to cover all of those affected. It really hit home a couple years ago when one of the most amazing little boys I’ve ever met started his battle. His parents are two of the greatest people that God has breathed life into and I struggled with why this little angel would need this kind of fight ever especially this early in his life. Through it all they have been the picture of faith and through a lot of prayers, great doctors, and God’s healing he is doing well.

What all of this made me notice was I love my kids, I make sure they have everything they need, and I give them almost everything they want. My kids are happy, healthy, and loved. What I do but not frequently enough is pray for them. Ask God for continued health ask God to order their steps when I’m not around, and most importantly Thank God for the fact that my kids are healthy, that we are more fortunate than a lot of others, that we have been blessed beyond belief.

I will start praying for my kids more, praying with them more, and loving them harder. I could not imagine the pain of the doctor coming in with that tragic news, and I refuse to even think of the heartache associated with losing a child. Go home today and hug your kids, love them until they ask you why, and when they ask you start praying with them. Be thankful for all that God has done for you and them, and then pray for all of the others that have been affected. More than ever before this needs to be a prayer chain that doesn’t start and end today but that continues for eternity. Like the Bible says “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances;”. Happy Thanksgiving

Time is a funny thing. When things are bad it feels like it is dragging by like it’ll never end. When you feel like you are winning it is so fleeting that you don’t feel you have time to enjoy it. Time and Life are so closely intertwined in those respects.

We as a people need to understand the importance of both. When it comes to your life what are we doing with our time? Are you spending it how you need to, how you want to, or how you were called to? We’ve all heard the adage “no one lying on their deathbed says I wish I had spent more time at work.” For most I believe it’s true for others maybe not. I feel like most of us fall into two categories when we should find a way into the third.

Most of us spend time how we feel we need to. We go to work and work too hard at a job we need to provide for our families. Most of my time is spent just like this. Forty to eighty hours a week to make sure my kids have everything they need and most of what they want. Unfortunately during this time maybe the thing they want, time with me, suffers greatly.

We generally find time to spend doing what we want to. For each of us this is different. Some shop, or go to the movies, go out with friends, or just veg on the couch in front of the tv. For me it is riding my motorcycle, shooting guns, listening to music, or getting tattooed. But what time we don’t spend doing what we need to do we fill with doing what we want to do.

The area I am working towards now is spending time doing what we are called to do. No matter what you believe everyone has had a feeling of being pulled to do something. Like there is a task that you should be doing even when you can’t explain why. Sometimes these tasks are so far out of your character they can be scary, troubling, or even painful emotionally. These callings will drag you out of your comfort zone and force you to grow, to be a bigger person, a better person. They will reveal things that you can do that you never thought you could. If you are called to do something and you do it with a gracious heart you will be qualified to do it before you step foot on the field.

I think if we spend more time doing what we are called to do then we will find more time is available to do what we have to do and what we want to do. If we do what we are called to do then we will find more happiness than you can imagine, you will feel rewarded beyond your wildest dreams, and you will be able to help all of those around you more than you ever believed possible.

This post has taken some time. Not so much time to write but more time to decide how much I should share, how much I should open up, and ultimately how much I can let people in. As with most people there are different sides to me. To the outside person I may even appear as two different people in one body.

First there is the confident Brad. He is the one we like the most. Confident Brad thinks he can do anything and normally does a damn good job at making it happen. People love being around that me. We have fun, we laugh, and dance. That me is the life of the party. There is a little of that me that leads into the other me. Confident Brad’s biggest flaw is that my happiness is closely tied to making other people happy.

That leads into the other me, the opposite side of the same coin if you will. My other side is not confident in anything other than the fact that he will let people down daily. That me struggles with feelings of being good enough. Struggles with not being smart enough, strong enough, good looking enough, and no one will ever love me unconditionally because I am not enough. It takes a toll on confident me. No one wants to be around not good enough me. No one smiles no one dances and no one enjoys theirselves when that me is present. It drives the feelings of inadequacy.

There has been a struggle my whole life to hold the two together and be the real me. I have always had to be strong always had to be there for people when they are struggling. I love the fact that people look to me for that. It means I make a difference I make them feel more at ease, but that also means I don’t get time to feel weak. I can’t have time to fail, time to pick myself back up, time for Brad to not be ok. Sometimes you’re not going to be ok, sometimes you’re going to feel less than, you’re going to feel like you can’t be used for anything positive. At these times it is important to look to the ones who you have helped stay strong, because they know the feeling and no one wants you to suffer alone. Like before I am always here I will stand in the gap for you and we will get through together.

I bet fear is something we all share. Everyone is scared of something, someone, or some thought. Some fears are easily explained. Being scared of something that can kill you makes sense. Others are more difficult. Others are fears you possess whether rational or irrational it doesn’t matter because to you they are real.

Some people have this debilitating fear of snakes. The thought of one slithering towards you makes your skin crawl. The thought of it actually touching you may drive you into a full panic attack. Some of those very same people are so scared of snakes that they can’t even look at a picture of one without getting creeped out. That is an easy fear to understand. Some snakes are venomous and can indeed end you life.

For some people it’s clowns. This is one that I am sure I’ll never understand. I don’t understand how people are so scared of clowns. For most of us they brought joy to our childhood. We would see them on tv or at the circus. I’ve even seen several at birthday party’s through my life. They are there to make us happy, to put a smile on our faces. So this one makes less sense to me but I have no doubt it’s a real fear and should be respected.

A fear I have struggled with (don’t judge me) is the fear of heights. For me I don’t even think it’s the fear of falling or of death, I think it is just the fear of being off the ground. I do commercial HVAC so I spend almost everyday on rooftops working on air conditioning, so I have had to overcome this fear to a degree because I also have a fear of being hungry.

I have also struggled with other fears. This one is really hard to get sympathy for. I am scared of me. I am scared of the thoughts in my head at times. I am scared of how critical I am of myself and my situation. I am scared of getting my feelings hurt. I am scared of getting my heart broken. I am scared of not being good enough. Even with all of these fears I keep pushing forward, I keep trying, I keep putting my feelings out there, I keep loving. It’s not because I have conquered those fears it is because I have a greater one lurking in the back.

I am scared of not living. No not I am scared of dying, but I am scared of not living my life to the fullest. When my last days on this earth are here like they will be for all of us I don’t want to say if I hadn’t been scared I could’ve …. Life is never won while living in fear. Life isn’t meant to be lived cowering in a corner. We are wonderfully made, we are conquerers, we are not on this earth to be average. We are put on this earth to be amazing. So let’s overcome these fears and change the world.

What’s wrong? What’s bothering you? Why are you upset? I feel like I ask these questions constantly or something similar looking for the same information. And nothing aggravates me more than asking someone what’s wrong and them responding with “nothing”. It makes me feel like they don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth, and the analytical side of me knows if it is kept in it will become a festering sore that breeds contempt.

I tell you this to admit that I have a problem. I am the “nothing” person more than I care to admit. It’s not because the other person doesn’t deserve the truth. It’s not that I don’t think that they care. It’s not even that I think they won’t sympathize. The main reason I do it is to prevent more hurt feelings, and to avoid arguments. I have found that my thoughts and feelings can be a bit abrasive. I have doubts that hold me back, beliefs that cause me to frown on the actions of some others, and a self critical thinking that is beyond measure. When I say “nothing” most of the time it’s not true most of the time I am not OK.

Another thing I have to admit to you right now is that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to want to feel better. It’s ok to scream into a pillow, punch a punching bag, and it’s ok to cry. I guess I’m not your stereotypical emotional being. I get my feelings hurt, I get mad, and I CRY. Crying is nothing to be ashamed of. Crying helps crying soothes the soul.

Ok so now we’ve gotten to it’s ok to not be ok, it’s ok to feel, and it’s ok to cry. So what’s not ok? Saying nothing is not ok. We aren’t meant to go through all the trials of this alone. We aren’t supposed to have to shoulder all of the worlds problems by ourselves. When someone asks are you ok? Tell them the truth. Don’t be scared or ashamed. When someone says what’s wrong tell them. They may be able to help with what you’re going through. And if someone asks what’s bothering you, be willing to explain it. Chances are they could be going through the same thing and are struggling alone.

I try to write about the things that influence my life. The good, the bad, the happy, the scary, the inspirational, and the heartbreaking. I have written about fighting to be better, to have more, and to get what you want no matter what. I have noticed that I have never written about what to do when you have it.

Life for me is about goals. Setting them just out of reach and working harder and harder everyday until I can see that goal in the rear view mirror. In the work world this is a very useful quality. There is rarely a task left undone when it is set as my goal. I will move mountains to put this goal again in my rear view. There is not often anything that could stop me.

In other parts of this adult life we live it is not so beneficial. When I decide I want something I will stop at nothing to achieve it. I often am less concerned with others feelings and what happens in the process. It may come across as me treating people like pawns in a game that I am playing. It may cause them to get hurt in the process or feel like once I have gotten what I want they are no longer important. Like the chase is more important than them being a part of my life, my story, my future.

What often gets overlooked in the pursuit of the goal is the dedication required after the fact to maintain. Goal driven people are sometimes rough, gruff, and impersonal. They are often dismissed by people for not having true feelings, for not loving, for treating everything as a contest. Some of us goal oriented people are the most loving, caring, forgiving, and truly dedicated people on the planet. Just because we would rip the gates off of hell to achieve our goal to get what we desire doesn’t mean it is a game, it doesn’t mean we are just trying to prove we can do it. We are truly dedicated to keeping what we have in relationships and work. Being in a relationship will often seem more difficult but don’t give up on us. If gaining your affection was our goal then we truly do want to you to be in our life.

What to expect when you’re expecting. Disappointment, heart break, hurt feelings, “unanswered prayers”, and an all around bad day. I read an article yesterday that said the leading cause of divorce was not money, not infidelity, not even lack of communication, but was actually unmet expectations.

I never thought about it before but I bet that’s the major problem in most relationships. I mean friendships, work, family, even church. Expecting something from the other and them not delivering. These can be unspoken expectations, even ridiculous outrageous expectations, but failing to meet them results in the exact same feelings of heart break disappointment and the feeling that you’re not worth their effort.

When you expect your boss to give you the day off with pay instead you have to work or not get paid there is disappointment. When you expect your friend to offer to help move or to help with something else and they don’t there is that feeling of not being worth their effort. When you expect a loved one to care for you the way you care for them and they don’t that truly is heartbreaking.

I have lived my life trying to figure out how to curb my expectations. How to not expect things from people no matter how trivial they are. If you live your life with expectations that are often unmet then you’ll eventually start to expect the worst from everyone. It’s a difficult row to hoe when you feel like there’s nothing to count on but as long as you live in your expectations that’s exactly how you’ll end up.

As with everything it is easier said than done but we really would be happier if we tried to live without expectation if we tried to be truly happy for all that we get and love on each other regardless of what we expect from them or what they expect from us. There truly are great people in this world and they will be overlooked if we don’t live beyond our expectations.

Happy!! How does that word make you feel? What images does it bring to mind? Is it a person, a place, a thing? Is it an unattainable goal, a burning desire? Is it the way we all hope to live our lives?

Happy to me has often seemed like all of those things and none of those things all at the same time. Happy is the feeling you get when you see a smile on the face of someone you care about, unless that smile is at the cost of your happiness. Happy is the feeling you experience when you get to see a loved one for the first time in a long time, unless you know it’ll be the last time. Happiness is often a double edged sword that can make you smile, laugh, love, cry, ache, and hate.

Happy can be the greatest feeling in the world. When you have a smile on your face not because you’re forcing it but because you can’t seem to stop. When you feel like everything is going your way. Even when you don’t feel like everything is going your way but you feel like God is on your side working for you.

Happy can be one of the worst feelings imaginable, when you feel like the happy never happens for you. It can hurt to see everyone around you happy when you feel like you can’t catch a break. It can be miserable feeling like you’re the only one going through troubles, through hard times. When you feel like no one is on your side not even God.

What I would like to challenge us all to do is to make someone happy. If you have the ability then do it. Whether it’s meeting a need they have, smiling at them when you pass them in the hall, a kind word even when you don’t feel like you have a kind word to spare. This may improve their happy. It may put them in a better place, and if you do it out of the kindness of your heart then I guarantee it will bring you a greater happiness than you can imagine.

I often sit and think. When I do this more times than not I am focusing on the troubles I have. I focus on things that are stressful and for the most part I can’t control. Occasionally I will sit and think about what has gone right. What I have achieved what I have accomplished. These mornings make for better days, better interactions, and better results.

I have found if you look for bad you will find it. If I look at this job I’m on and think of all of the things that can go wrong I will find them. If I think of all of the things that can break then I will find all of the broken bits. If I focus on the negative of the job I will see all of the negative very easily. On the other hand if I focus on the good it becomes more easy to find. If I look at all of the parts that are working right then I realize there are more right than wrong and if I concentrate on the greatness of the way this unit does it’s job and achieves its goal then I can see all of the positives on the job.

Something else I have noticed is that all parts of life are this way. Let’s take relationships for example. When you first fall in love you overlook all of the flaws all of the problems because in the other person you see the good you see your future. After a while these flaws that you have overlooked are still there but you begin to focus on them. Now they are under a magnifying glass and become the focal point of all of your attention. Once you are solely focused on these flaws these shortcomings it’s all you can see. This causes you to change things that may not need to be changed. To run away from your future because the other person didn’t meet your expectations. To give up on a future of happiness and joy because of something that in the grand scheme of things may be inconsequential in two months.

What about family. How many of us can find fault in our family, how many of can find greatness in those same people? Do we focus on the things they do wonderfully or do we put all of our attention on the things that aggravate us? Do we say I really love when she does this, or wow she is really great at that? Or is it always I can’t believe she’s late again, he is always in such a bad mood, I don’t know why they even come? How about we focus on the situation as a whole. She’s always late but her biscuits make it worth it. He’s always so grumpy but he’s ready to help whenever anything comes up. I don’t even know why they come, but I sure am glad they do. I bet that could change get togethers at Grandma’s on the holidays couldn’t it?

Now I’m not saying we overlook all of the bad parts and live in a mind made utopia that only we exist in. I am saying life is like a movie or a play you have to take in the good and the bad examine the situation as a whole before making rash decisions over little sticking points that you’ll regret in the future. Stop, think, and then take action. Too many times we as a culture never stop never think and only react. God calls us to love and to forgive this is something we should all practice more now than ever before.

When I am left alone with my thoughts I always learn something or figure something out. Sometimes it’s painful realizations. Other times it is actually good. But there is always something.

As I sit alone today the feeling I am struggling with now is the feeling of not being good enough. This is a feeling that I have struggled with my entire life. When I was in school I never felt like I was smart enough. My grades weren’t good enough. Then came athletics. I wasn’t fast enough. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t aggressive enough. After all of that then adulthood started. With work I am not smart enough. I’m not qualified enough. I don’t get enough done. Then outside of work, I don’t provide enough. I don’t spend enough time with my family. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!

This is a feeling that I don’t wish on anyone. It is one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. On the good side it has given me a drive to do better. It has given me the feeling of never being satisfied. If I am never good enough then nothing is ever good enough for me. I keep pushing through fighting scratching and clawing to get more to have more to be more. I have always had people in my corner who meant the very best but always made me feel like I shouldn’t be happy with my accomplishments and I needed to always be better and do more. This was helpful because I always keep pushing but it is detrimental as well because no matter what, it leaves me feeling like I am not good enough even though I do my very best.

What I know is that for the right people you ARE good enough exactly how you are. You are smart enough you are strong enough, you love enough, and ultimately you are enough. No matter what today brings do your best, be the best you that you can be, and you will never have to worry about being Less Than! Always remember you are loved because I love you.