Author: bradglenn79

Ok ok I know what you’re thinking. God’s gift really Brad. I can see your minds going. Nothing about 5’9” 275lbs screams God’s Gift. Even though I think I’m something special I’m not referring to me right now. I am talking about the things that we have inside us from early on.

I have always been kind of ok knowing I didn’t have a gift. Knowing that I could learn to do anything but nothing really came natural. Figuring that one day I would find my “calling”(probably when I was too old to do anything with it). Never realizing how hurtful a gift could be. How painful, how you could wish that you didn’t receive a gift at all instead of the one you have.

I’ll have to start by telling you a story. When I was young 14-16 my great grandmother lived with my grandmother. She had for years and years but during those last years she had developed a pretty severe case of dementia. To the point that she couldn’t remember anyone’s name, anyone except mine. I lived close to Grandma at the time as I have most of my life. I would walk to her house before I had a car just to see her. I would walk into her house and say hey and give her a hug. Then from the back bedroom I would hear “Brad, is that you? How about come see me.” I would go back and she would tell me stories, the same ones I had heard time and time again. I was told much later it was because I would listen, I would make her laugh, and I was compassionate.

Compassionate is not a word I would ever use to describe myself. Gruff, sarcastic, harsh, funny, stubborn, and pretty yeah those words really capture Brad, but compassionate. Later on in life I have made it a point to try to have a relationship with everyone I am around. I truly do believe that everyone on this earth is worthy of a relationship of a listening ear. Some relationships are harder than others some require more love and more nurturing, some require you to just keep your mouth shut until they ask for your advice or opinion.

My relationship with my mother in law was the latter of that group. For every bit abrasive I was she took it to the tenth power. Our relationship started off in wars of words and almost came down to physical confrontations on a few occasions. The first time I met her she tried to walk out carrying my oldest son so let’s just say first impression was a doozy. It got better, it became tolerable, then cordial, then friendly, and eventually it made it to loving. No, not the kind of love you’re thinking about but her way of love none the less. June 26th, Jessica’s 35th Birthday her mom was diagnosed with cancer. It’s never easy but if there was a fighter ever born it was her. She started on radiation and chemo shortly there after and she fought hard. But exactly 15 months later she lost her fight. I believe my gift was revealed on the 24th of September at 35 years old. Jenny had been in and out for a couple days. She was talking to everyone and then she asked Jessica “where is Brad?” I said I’m right here what you want, in a jovial tone. She said “I want a hug” she’s laying in the bed we knew she didn’t have long so of course I gave her the best hug I could. She started to cry so I started to cry (as I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face I remember like it was yesterday). That was the most painful thing I had ever done emotionally. She then went to sleep never to wake up again.

At 35 comfortable not having a gift I was thrust into a spot that scared me, made me more uncomfortable than I had ever been, and hurt my heart like I never thought it could, but I was there to I hope ease her fears and make her comfortable when she needed it most. What this helped me see is that your gift is not for you. My gift hurt and I didn’t want it but my gift is what she needed. It doesn’t make it easier for the holder of the gift but if you take your gift and hide it under a bush or put it in a box in your pocket who benefits? Share your gift give it to others use your gift to help to heal to touch people. Build relationships so that when you are called to go and do that you know what the other person needs.

As I stand on this roof trying to get through another day at work I have lots of time to contemplate; life, love, family, goals, and pitfalls. I take stock of the little good I have done and the great amount of good that was done for me by others. I take in all of this information and I wonder what is my place on this earth in the grand scheme of things where does Brad belong. If the world is but a stage what part do I play. In some stories I no doubt play the heel, the villain, the dregs of society. In some I play the hard worker who takes the job and gets it done no matter what. There are others that intrigue me more.

In a few I play the father who… that’s one that always has me scratching my head. Do my kids see me as a hard worker that always went above and beyond to make sure they had or do they see me as the father that worked too much to spend time with them when they needed it. I surely hope it’s the first and not the second. Some days I feel like I work too hard to make sure they have too much and don’t give them what they truly desire TIME. I know what it’s like to grow up with a father focused on other things, people, money, the high. I know how I longed for attention and blamed my mom for things out of her control. I have always fought to make my kids healthy, happy, respectful, and responsible. I have loved them unconditionally through everything and will forever. I have put myself in situations that were uncomfortable, difficult, and in some cases unsafe to make sure they never would. Have I led them down the wrong path? I taught them all that you can have anything in this life you want as long as you’re willing to work for it except salvation and that comes through God by no works of our own. I taught them to love everyone no matter skin color, position or prosperity, and no matter how they treated you. I have taught them it truly is better to give than to receive and to give fully expecting nothing in return.

Then there are other stories where Brad is the friend who….have I always been there for my friends? Have I let them down? Have I not showed them how important they were to me at some point? My friends are so very important to the person I am. They are the ones I run my stupid ideas by they are the ones who tell me they’re stupid ideas. They have made me laugh, cry, cry from laughing. They keep me grounded but keep me reaching for higher and higher heights. They push me to be all that I think I am supposed to be and they don’t let me give up. They encourage me daily even when they don’t see it. Have I done the same for them? Have I been there to say push a little further, try a little harder, I’ll catch you if you fall? Have I been an encouragement or a discouraging force in their lives? Do I keep them reaching or try to convince them they have enough and should stop trying? I hope I am to my friends what they have been to me.

There are some of the longest stories of my life. Brad is the family member who…is always there? Try’s to help? Makes us laugh? Makes us cry? Let’s us down? Is the biggest disappointment. I often wonder about these stories the most. My family is amazing. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents, wife. I was raised in one of the most forgiving groups of people you could imagine. They are accepting, loving, and demonstrative to a fault in some cases. We all hug and laugh and love the way I believe it’s supposed to be done. My greatest memories for most of my life center on and revolve around this amazing group of people. We have laughed with each other at each other and about each other more times than I can remember. We have cried with each other for each other and about each other as well. I know exactly what each and every one of them mean to me. I know what emotions stir when I see them I know what thoughts go through my head when I hear their name or their voice. What I don’t know is what they think when they see me how they feel when someone says my name or when they hear my voice. Have I been kind? Have I been loving? Have I been there to hold them up when they needed me or have I let them swing in the wind? Have I been worthy of their love, of their compassion, of their help, or have they done those things because “what you do for the least of men you do for me”?

I guess the point of this is before Tuesday’s gone or whatever day you read this ask yourself what role do I play? What is my part in this amazing production of life? Am I a heel, am I a villain, or am I someone’s hero? Am I playing the role I was put here to play and am I happy in the role I’m in? God puts all of these people in your life to teach you a lesson or so you can teach them, but he also puts every single one of them in our lives to be loved. Are they being loved?

I started this to try to get some noise out of my head. The kind of thoughts that run through your mind everyday. Some are here one second and gone the next. This blog is for the ones I can’t shake. The ones that maybe you’re going through. Thank you for reading and if it helps share. We are all in this life together, let’s make it amazing.