Author: bradglenn79

I’ve been away for a while. Not actually away just absent from writing. In all honesty I’ve been absent from a lot. I have let life get too hectic, I’ve let the trivial become more important, almost to the point of life changing. I know I shouldn’t and I am trying to rectify this moving forward. In church this morning something my Pastor said cause me to notice how absent I have been and maybe why.

Before service starts we have a run through so we can go over the flow of service and make sure everyone knows their cues and their responsibilities. We don’t do this so we are a polished unit but more so we don’t end up in the wrong place and in the way of the spirit moving through the church. This morning Pastor Jeff said “I’ve been given the word altar and alter.” That was what I needed this morning.

I don’t know why I have never put those words together but now that’s all I can think about. How many times have we been in church and been called to the altar? We are called to lay our burdens down at the altar, to “let go and let God.” I am not discounting that at all. I love the idea of my creator taking all of my troubles and easing my pain, my hurt, my worry, and my fears.

The problem is when we go to the altar, pour out or hearts, and often too many tears to count. We lay down our sorrows on the altar just like we have been taught, only to pick them up somewhere between the church door and the front door to our house. We have done the first step of laying everything down and forgotten the second step which allows them to stay where they were laid.

Laying them on the Altar does no good if we don’t Alter the way we are living. if nothing changes then nothing changes. God wants us to encounter him and allow him to alter what is in us, around us, and how we live.

God forgive me for laying troubles at your feet for you to deal with, only for me to pick them back up and carry them because I could make it to the altar but I refused to make it through the alter. I am weak, I am broken, I am YOURS and I am going to look like it now.

I love y’all!

In life we often get caught up in allowing things to happen. I’m not saying this is a terrible thing, sometimes spontaneity is amazing. You find some great adventures when you go with the flow. I do think we as a culture don’t emphasize being intentional enough.

I have been at a work conference for a few days and the very last day we we challenged to go into a meeting we were having with intentionality. While I was thinking about that I thought about how much better things in our life would be if we lived intentional in other areas.

What if we give intentionally? We give from the heart. We give to people who need with their needs in mind. Not because we have to, but because we get to, to help.

What if we talk to others with intention? We can share our experiences, our knowledge, and our troubles, to help others, to meet them where they are so they know they’re not alone. We can speak life into others, build them up, bring joy to their day.

What if we Love one another intentionally? We could show others love the way they receive it. We can love them fully, and totally so they never doubt their place in your life, or your heart.

Move Intentionally, in work, in life, in LOVE. Never let anyone doubt who you are and where they stand.

I Love y’all!

This content may come off a little different than my regular stuff. I hope you stick with me because I need to be real. I have lived my life with untreated ADHD. Which is not uncommon but sometimes I don’t think it’s understood very well. I am going to try to tell you how it feels from inside of my tortured mind.

I think the most common symptom or the one most associated with it is the inability to focus. That’s not actually how it feels to me. I will have times where I will laser focus on something. To the point where it seems as if everything else in the world disappears. There will come a point in that time where the task, the thing, the hobby, or the person will lose my attention for a second and my focus shifts and they no longer exist.

This is hard for me it has kept me from achieving many things in this life. I have given up hobbies that I enjoyed, I have left so very many tasks incomplete, and I have allowed it to destroy relationships that I cherished because I can’t keep it together once I lose focus.

The inability to shift focus back and forth has led to another feeling that I honestly struggle with more than anyone has ever known. When I can’t stay in touch, or can’t complete something, or don’t stick to a hobby my brain convinces me it’s because nothing I do is good enough. It never will be honestly.

I am always terrified that people are going to get mad about something I have said or the fact that I didn’t text them back and walk away from me forever. If someone doesn’t message me back or return my call I believe it’s because they hate me and I have lost someone else that was so very important to me.

It has caused me to not start things because I’ll never finish. It has convinced me that if I am not good at it the first time I try then I never will be. I have no time for a learning curve, I have no try it again because I am a failure when I couldn’t do it initially.

The praise that I have received for things I have done never sticks with me but the negative remarks never seem to go away. I often cry because of things that were said to me a decade ago even if someone told me yesterday I was doing a good job. This leaves me looking for validation and apologizing for things that don’t require an apology. It leaves me doubting my relationships and my place in peoples lives because of something said they don’t remember and I can’t forget.

This causes me to pull away if someone seems to be too busy, or if I think that I have upset them in any way. I break my own heart so they can’t, so they don’t have to.

It really seems to pop up when everything seems to be going right. My mind decides to sabotage everything in an effort to put everything back to status quo, back to normal operating conditions.

I am so tired of living like this. I want to be normal but I don’t want to be someone else. I don’t hate me right now, but things are going too good so I know it’s coming.

Thank you for your time, thank you for reading this far, I really appreciate you letting me get this off of my chest.

I Love You

I have lived a lot of years just this side of regret. Not to say there aren’t things I regret because there are so very many, but major life decisions I am doing ok. The way I have stayed where I am at is by playing it safe. I have lived comfortable and allowed great things to escape my grasp.

If any of you know me personally you know I have a new job. If you know me well you know what a struggle it was for me to accept this new position. It was difficult because of my desire to stay where I’m comfortable. I knew what I had where I was and could just keep on as I was going.

Here’s the rub, this new opportunity was what I had been praying for. It is a job I felt called to do, but I second guessed and talked myself out of it so many more times than I am willing to admit. “The timing is wrong” “I’m not qualified” “What if it doesn’t work out” are the thoughts that crowded my mind when I should’ve been thankful for the answered prayer.

The Bible in Revelation 3:8 says “I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and not denied my name.” That door that was opened was a gift, it was a blessing, it TRULY was an answered prayer, that I almost walked away from because of my desire to be comfortable.

Let me be clear I loved the people I worked with at my last job, they are still to this day so very important to me, but this new opportunity has proven to be everything I have dreamed of. I have been afforded the opportunity, and the ability to help make it better. I have been placed amongst a group of guys all moving toward a common goal who genuinely care about each other and know that success comes from all of us succeeding.

Thank you God for this opportunity, thank you for hearing me, for Loving me, for still listening to my prayers, and for most of all thank you for forcing me through the door and not allowing me to live my life in the safety just this side of regret.

I love y’all.

If any of you have been following me long you know I am open about my struggles, I am honest about my feelings, and I talk openly about my failures and desires. I spent so much of my life bottling up everything, only showing anger, keeping everyone at arms length. I was scared to let anyone in because I didn’t want to hurt them, and if I’m being honest probably more scared to get hurt myself.

Tonight we had a worship night at church for our volunteers. We spent the night worshipping together on Good Friday because Easter is coming. During worship, while celebrating how great God has been to us, I became overwhelmed with emotion. Looking at all the things God has done and continues to do for Me, I couldn’t help but start to dwell on the ways that I have failed him, and others around me.

I know none of us are truly worthy of his undying love, everyone of us fall short daily, but sometimes I feel like I have truly tested the depths of his forgiveness. What if I have done too much, what if I have gone too far? I know that he keeps no records of your wrongs, but I know every, single, one.

Then I got to thinking about how it must’ve looked to everyone around me. How many times I have let people down, all of the situations where they have counted on me and I failed them. That list seems so much longer than the ones I have helped. They say if you focus on something you will see it, so why do I get stuck focusing on my failures?

During worship I prayed for God to fill me with joy, to feel my heart with his Love, to allow me grace for my failures and shortcomings. I am working on me, I’m not where I want to be but I am trying, I am growing, and maturing. If I have ever helped you, thank you for allowing me to serve you because it has fed my soul. For those of you that I have failed, please forgive me I Love you and I truly am sorry.

My growth is messy, so please excuse my mess.

I Love You!

Scrolling Facebook I came across a quote that said, “you only look in your neighbor’s bowl to make sure they have enough, you never look to see if you have as much as them.” That has carried a lot of weight since I read it. Maybe just maybe I have been living my life wrong for all these years.

I have worked so hard during my life to make sure we had all that we needed. I worked even harder for the things I wanted. Looking back I’m not sure if I wanted all of the “things” or just saw that someone else had it so I thought I wanted it.

Then there are things I have definitely coveted and I know I shouldn’t. I have had a burning desire to be a musician most all of my life. I have looked into other’s cups and wanted to have their talent, their ability. I have tried and failed at learning to play an instrument.

In some situations I have even longed to have their relationship, with parents, family, friends, or God. How can they be so close to God while I feel like the closer I get to him the further away I seem? I have faith, I pray, I read the Bible, but I don’t know God the way they do.

When you look into the cups of others and realize they are running over you often forget to count how many times you’ve been blessed. How many of these gifts that God has given me have I let languish instead of using them to help others. While my gifts may seem smaller to me that those of others to God they are a tool he gave me to help grow the kingdom.

God teach me to desire what you desire, allow me to see the plans you have for me, show me the path you have for me to help change the lives of others.

I love you.

How’s it going? We are nine days into the new year, how’re your resolutions holding up? Have you already left some by the wayside? Have you changed any of them? I try not to make resolutions for the simple fact that I like to be able to change as life happens and not feel bad because I didn’t lose the weight, or leave the phone down, or whatever the case may be. The only thing I can guarantee you is that I am authentically Me.

I have told people that I am who I am. You get the same Brad all of the time. While this is mostly true there are little shifts for circumstances because I hate to see people hurt, and even more so can’t stand the thought of being the cause. I have spent 44 years being me. I have also been known to tell other people they needed to be more authentic, be true to yourself, or “Do You.”

While I don’t think being authentic is a bad thing necessarily, if I have ever told you that I’m sorry. I don’t mean I think you need to be fake, or you need to be two faced, I just mean I may have led you down a questionable path without all of the necessary information. We should never use authenticity as an excuse to stop moving forward. Life requires change, dealing with varying groups of people will require behavior modification at times, and maturing will require you to be a different person than you were.

I think I have many times chosen to “Do Me” over doing the right thing. I have allowed my authenticity to drive a selfishness that consumed a lot of who I am. Worst of all I KNOW I have let that attitude stop me from being the person God created in his image to do great things for the kingdom of GOD.

In 2023 you will find me being true to myself, but myself will be seeking out his place in the kingdom. I will strive to make changes to put me in places that will allow my gifts to be uncovered, honed, and used. I will be more receptive to his calling on my life and navigate this world to be where God can use me the most.

One thing that will never change is that I Love You.

This past week I turned 44 years old. I’m not ashamed of my age at all. Growing older has been a privilege denied to a lot of people I started this life with. I am not sure if I am alone but I find that as I get older I tend to take more stock of the things I have had or will have in my life.

We are taught that after school we need to get a job, preferably one you enjoy, then work towards retirement. For some of us retirement may never happen, I feel like I’ll probably have to work until lunch on the day of my funeral, but it remains a goal, a dream. We are also taught that the earlier you can start saving for retirement the better off you are. Today I got to thinking about what’s in my portfolio. When I started thinking about it the thought of investment quickly shifted from monetary to more important items.

Today in church we learned about prayer and the priority of prayer. You need a time, you need a place, you need to pray out loud, you need to pray for others, and pray with others. Trust me I didn’t get off topic, I believe our investment in prayer is more critical to our life than money.

Along with our investment in prayer comes our investment in others. The way we pray for others, speak life into others, and encourage others will pay greater dividends than any stock you could buy. Your friends, family, and even those who don’t like you, want, need, and deserve your prayers. In Matthew 5:44 Jesus says “I tell you, love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you.”

Most importantly we must invest in prayer for our children. Pray for them often, pray for them out loud, pray over them. “If your children never hear you pray, they likely won’t pray” Jeff Moody. While this won’t be fact for all it is in fact true for some. your children need to hear you pray, so they know how, so they know they can just share their heart with our father.

I’m not a financial advisor, I can’t tell you how to live debt free after retirement, I can however tell you heaven will be much more beautiful with your loved ones there, than all of the money in the world.

I love you.

I was in my office yesterday when I got a visit from a great friend that used to work here. He has since retired but comes to see us from time to time and we love when he comes around. His personality really can brighten a room. Yesterday while Ron was here he told me that he had seen some of the things I post about and he saw God working through me. Ron said “I always knew you had it in you, but now I see you posting about it!”

While that statement may seem innocuous to most and it kind of slid by me in the beginning it left me with questions. I am overjoyed that Ron could see Jesus in me through our daily interactions, but what about the people that don’t see me daily? What about the people that only see me on social media or read the things I care to share? Am I doing enough with the lives God has placed around me?

I haven’t always been in a church, and spent most of my life living the way I want to regardless of how anyone felt about it. I have always believed in God, and was told from a young age about how Jesus died for my sins, so I could be forgiven. Living the way I did though, it put me in the lives of people that didn’t believe the way I did. If these people are following me today, do they see a changed man?

So let me start with saying, please forgive me if I have led you down a path that was damaging to you in any way. Forgive me for being ashamed to tell my story. Forgive me for not telling you about the way GOD found me in the darkness, and rescued me from myself, and most of all Please forgive me for not sharing my savior with you, because I promise you his grace is sufficient to cover all of your sins.

I will do better, I will be better. If you need prayers, then I’m praying. If you need to scream and cry, then I’m listening. If you need someone to stand with you in the darkness, I will be by your side the entire time. Most importantly if you need to know how great our GOD is, I would love to tell you all about My Jesus.

I LOVE YOU!!!

If you’ve read my blog before or you know my story, then you know I’m not a writer and I wrote when I can’t get rid of something. Sometimes the thoughts I can’t get rid of depend on someone else pointing them out. That’s how tonight went.

I know I start a lot of posts with while at church, or while at my small group, but it’s because I find a lot of what I need in this life in those places. I believe that if you don’t have a church and a small group you need one, and if you don’t know where to start then come see me and you can be a part of mine.

In small group tonight we were talking about worship and what it means to live life with abandon, to truly give God your worship, completely. One of the songs that we were working through was a song called Rise Up. That song tells about Lazarus, how he was dead and was resurrected.

Normally this wouldn’t be that big of a deal because I know the story of Lazarus and Christian songs are often based on a biblical principle. Today it was different. At the end of last week I was reading about Lazarus and how Jesus didn’t go into the tomb to get him but instead he called him out of the tomb, he expected Lazarus to take part in his own miracle.

Earlier this week I was listening to Christian rap which is a genre I don’t normally listen to a lot but I’m the span of a few hours a song called Lazarus came in three times. This song talks about how we are dead in the flesh living life for us, and then resurrected when we believe in Christ.

While my week has carried me back to Lazarus multiple times I failed to see the correlation between all of these. Tonight I think I may have pieced it all together. I think I am finally seeing where I am falling short.

In the Bible there are several miracles, Lazarus being one of the more spectacular ones to behold. All of these miracles have something in common though. Whether it be Lazarus who Jesus refused to go in and get, or the woman who just wanted to touch the hem of his garment believing she would be healed, or the friends who cut a hole in the roof to lower the one they loved to the feet of Jesus to have him healed, they all had to make the effort.

A lot of us beginning with I go to church on Sundays. We worship with the band, we listen to the message the Lord has given out pastor, we ask the Lord to forgive us, and we get baptized to profess our love for Jesus. We pray in the morning when we get up and we go on about our day. We do this to be able to tell people we are Christian’s, to feel comfort in knowing where we are going when we die, and to feel a certain sense of peace. And that’s where it stops.

We believe in the Lord to perform miracles, to work in our lives the way he did for the people in the Bible. We are trusting him to work all things together for our good the way the Bible tells us he will. We are missing a crucial point the people then caught right from the beginning. You HAVE to put in the work. Jesus called Lazarus to take part in his own miracle after he had been dead and in the tomb for four days. Where do we get off believing that God is going to work miracles in our life without us putting feet on his word, without us living our life for him?

I need Sunday morning faith all week long. I need to worship Jesus when it’s hard. I need to show his Love even when I can’t feel it. I need to live for him if I am expecting him to do for me. Let’s start believing in the miracles we are praying for, and start moving through life looking a whole lot more like Jesus so people will know his LOVE.

I love y’all.