If any of you have been following me long you know I am open about my struggles, I am honest about my feelings, and I talk openly about my failures and desires. I spent so much of my life bottling up everything, only showing anger, keeping everyone at arms length. I was scared to let anyone in because I didn’t want to hurt them, and if I’m being honest probably more scared to get hurt myself.
Tonight we had a worship night at church for our volunteers. We spent the night worshipping together on Good Friday because Easter is coming. During worship, while celebrating how great God has been to us, I became overwhelmed with emotion. Looking at all the things God has done and continues to do for Me, I couldn’t help but start to dwell on the ways that I have failed him, and others around me.
I know none of us are truly worthy of his undying love, everyone of us fall short daily, but sometimes I feel like I have truly tested the depths of his forgiveness. What if I have done too much, what if I have gone too far? I know that he keeps no records of your wrongs, but I know every, single, one.
Then I got to thinking about how it must’ve looked to everyone around me. How many times I have let people down, all of the situations where they have counted on me and I failed them. That list seems so much longer than the ones I have helped. They say if you focus on something you will see it, so why do I get stuck focusing on my failures?
During worship I prayed for God to fill me with joy, to feel my heart with his Love, to allow me grace for my failures and shortcomings. I am working on me, I’m not where I want to be but I am trying, I am growing, and maturing. If I have ever helped you, thank you for allowing me to serve you because it has fed my soul. For those of you that I have failed, please forgive me I Love you and I truly am sorry.
My growth is messy, so please excuse my mess.
I Love You!
bradglenn79 