I used to write everyday, I used to have something to say, I used to feel like my words could change something, I used to feel like I had value to bring. Now I feel like a bird without a song. I start to write over and over, to try to clear my mind and end up abandoning a post midway through because it’s terribly written and won’t add value to this Earth. I am struggling more than I have in a while with my worth.
When I started writing it came naturally, almost like the words came from somewhere else. I know that sounds crazy to some, but honestly it doesn’t matter. I felt like I could share all of the stuff in my head and maybe someone would realize they weren’t alone. I could tell you all about the ways I have messed things up, the ways I tried to fix them, and what ended up happening, how I came to a resolve and gained peace with my life.
For months now I could tell you how I’ve messed up, I could tell you the things I’ve tried that have made things worse, but where I’m falling down is I couldn’t tell you where I found peace. Peace has eluded me at every turn. Things seem to be going good on the outside but there is a storm roaring inside of me, inside of my mind.
I have said in the past that my misery doesn’t love company. When things get tough and the tough get going, Brad shuts the doors and suffers in silence, behind a smile that is forced on everyday. With this said I’m not asking for pity, I’m only asking that if there are a few seconds spare could you say a prayer for me. I have been praying for guidance, for wisdom, for peace inside so the smile comes from my soul not from being forced.
Nothing’s changed I still love each and everyone of you dearly, I’m still here if you need me.
Love Always
bradglenn79 