I find inspiration in the oddest places sometimes. Today a friend commented on a Facebook post that asked the simple question “if you could sit on a bench, and talk to someone for an hour, who would it be?”
That question brought about a flood of emotion that I wasn’t ready for. I was faced with a question that I didn’t have a clear cut answer for. Who would it be, what would we talk about? The question didn’t specify alive or dead so there are so many options.
I imagine one of the most popular answers would be Jesus. I know he was definitely one of the first names that popped up. Would I feel worthy? Would I have any words or would I be speechless in his presence? Would I be able to handle the answers to the questions that have troubled me for so much of my life?
Another one for me would be my Great Grandma. We lived with my grandmother and her for a lot of my formative years. She battled dementia for a lot of those years. One of the things that stayed consistent was the fact that she never forgot who I was. She would tell me the same stories over and over and I would listen like I had never heard them. I would love to hear those stories one more time, and what made her remember me, why was I special?
One of the easiest would be my Poppy. That man had more impact on who I was and who I wanted to be. He taught me how to drive at five, of course it was just an old Murray riding lawn mower. He taught me how to shoot, my daisy BB gun. He would sit me in his lap and let me drive his Ford truck down Summerlin and Beck roads. He was my best friend. He died just a few days before my ninth birthday, I never got to tell him goodbye, I never got to make him proud, my whole world crumbled and has never been the same.
There are so many other loved ones that I’ve lost, before I was ready to let them go. So many questions I’d love to ask and things I want to know, but how could I sit with any of them for just an hour and then let them go again? Would I be more ready to let them go? Would it hurt as bad the second time, could it possibly hurt worse?
This is where the question takes a turn and gets really difficult. There are so many people in my life now that I love, that I would do anything in the world for, that I couldn’t imagine my life without. That I don’t spend enough time with, that I neglect, that I need to sit with them for hours. I’m a horrible communicator, an absent father, an estranged family member, and an even worse friend. I want to be better, I want to do more, I don’t want there to be a doubt when I go, just how I feel about everyone.
I love you, I’m sorry, and I’ll do better.
bradglenn79 