I have been struggling here lately. Struggling with the things going on in the world, struggling with the things going on in my life, and struggling with the thoughts in my head. As many of you know my head is not a safe place for me. It’s often where I find most of my pain. I tend to get in my head and then allow my head to break my heart.
During this latest round of struggles I’ve been in I’ve seen a quote pop up repeatedly. It’s one of those that you see, you feel it, and then you go on about your day. Rarely crosses your mind again. “Just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.” This one has stuck in my head for weeks.
How often are we overlooking the struggle of others? Are we helping out when we see someone bearing a weight that seems impossible? Are we paying close enough attention to see when someone is struggling? In this climate are we afraid to offer assistance because that person is different than us? There are so many questions that come to mind when I think about that quote. Here is the point where I would normally tell you to reach out, to help, and most of all to love. While all of that is still true it’s not going to clear my mind.
As I think about those questions and the way to identify that in others, what questions I can ask, and what ways I can help, it brings me back to me. How do I know when things have become too much for me? How do I know when there has been too much added to my plate? How do I determine when the weight of the world becomes too much to bear? I ask because I think I may be there today.
I have lived my life with the desire to be the strong one, the one everyone turns to when the bottom falls out, the one everyone wants when you feel like you’ve got nothing. Well congratulations Brad you got what you want, but you have too much. I never say no, my preacher told everyone from the stage a year ago that Brad was the one you went to when you wanted a yes. He isn’t wrong, I will find a way to yes. If it will put a smile on your face then I will go all the way to the gates of hell to make it happen.
In doing this I often overlook my needs. I no longer am concerned about me being happy, being healthy, or even feeling loved, I’m only concerned with making you happy, in being able to say yes. I get that way because seeing others happy, helping others gives me the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced.
I fear that this has caused me to buckle under the weight. That I have began to crumble at a rate that seems far too great to recover. I feel that I am being covered in debris from the world I am trying to hold together, and I am now unable to see the sun through the darkness. Say a prayer for me, God knows I need his help, he knows because he has set me apart, he knows me, and because I’ve begged him for it, but having a few extra prayers written in the book don’t hurt.
I have written many times that if you can’t find a light, be a light. While I still believe that’s true it’s really dark and I can’t seem to find my light.
May your best today be your worst tomorrow, and never forget I Love You.
bradglenn79 