You often find out so much about yourself at the end of your rope. You find what you will tolerate from others. You realize how much you will allow even yourself to get away with. Finally and maybe most importantly you become comfortable with how much strength you have to hold on even when you don’t want to.
One thing I have learned about my rope is for others it often seems endless. I will allow people to treat me however they see fit, and will love them regardless. I’m not sure if it’s fear of abandonment, fear of not being loved, or maybe I’m just trying to show people the love I have always wanted.
The second part was a bit harder to stomach. Why does my rope appear to flow limitless from heaven for those around me, but with me it’s a very short tether to a very big tree? I don’t seem to have enough rope to get out of my own way. I tend to get tangled up in it at which point it limits my movement, my thinking, even my breathing. I have a low tolerance for Brad, and often feel like that is a sentiment shared amongst everyone else.
The strength is the hardest part for me to get a handle on. I don’t know how much strength I have, I don’t know if I am strong enough to tie a knot at the end of the proverbial rope and hold on. With everything going on in the world and everything going on in my little corner I am struggling. I’m a big guy so I’m used to weight but this weight is becoming so unbearable.
At this time I’m going to do all I know to do, I’m going to pray. I will pray for health, as we navigate through our everyday. I will pray for guidance, in hopes that the Lord will point me to places where I can lighten my load if only for a minute. I will pray for strength, to bear all of this hurt, failure, and discomfort I have weighing on my heart, occupying my mind, and eating at my soul. Lastly I will pray for Love, the kind of unconditional Love that we can only find in our creator. As I sit here at the end of my rope in tears God, I give it all to you.
Even when I find it hard to love me, I Love You!
bradglenn79 