I often have a hard time finding good in me as a person. Like most I tend to see my flaws more than my good side. I believe it’s because I know those flaws, I have studied them for decades, they are easy to spot, and sometimes people feel it necessary to point them out. Trust me if you can see them rest assured they have caused me more discomfort than you can imagine.
Being so ultra critical of myself has often led me into a long dark chasm that is often hard to escape. In this chasm you tend to let things pass you by, life, love, friendships, happiness, and for me my calling. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t know what God has called me to do with this life he has so graciously provided, but I know there is something. As ordinary as I am I feel that God will use me to change someone’s life one day, and it will all be for his glory.
Sunday at church we had Pastor Robbie Robison guest preach. He spoke right to my soul that morning. His message was on belonging. I honestly have always struggled with belonging because “if they know the real me, they won’t want me” “if they see the real me, they will see how worthless I am” “they won’t like the real Brad, they only like the need I fill”.
As he’s preaching about belonging and his trials as a student minister, I started to realize that maybe the doubt I’m experiencing is actually the devil trying to prevent me from changing someone’s life for God. Maybe the people who doubt me, the people who question my worth, the people who have asked “do you know who he is” or “do you know what he does” are speed bumps on the road to change. They are meant to divert me from achieving God’s plan for my life. This was solidified when he said his former pastor told him “Big Trains don’t stop for barking dogs”.
Don’t let the big train that God is driving in your life get derailed by a barking dog. Put on your seatbelt and realize that this track is going to be long and travel may be bumpy, but your reward in the end far surpasses and trouble now.
I love you.
bradglenn79 