Saw a post on Facebook that said “If someone gave you a box of all you had ever lost, what would be the first thing you looked for?” That question hit me hard this morning. I started thinking of all of the stuff I had ever lost. There’s been toys, games, there’s been tools, lots and lots of tools. Then I started to think of the more important stuff, the pets, the friends, and the family.
I could easily start with my best dog. For you that don’t know I had a dog years ago named Precious. That dog was like my first baby. Honestly she was the best dog ever. She was according to some a bit spoiled. She would only drink bottled water when we would go out, she had to ride in the front seat so she knew where we were going, and she slept in the bed with me right by my legs every night. I miss that dog terribly, but she wouldn’t be the first thing I looked for.
I could also start with all of the family I have lost. I have lost some of the most influential people I could’ve ever hoped to have had. There have been so many in laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, and mentors that have passed. My Poppy who I have the best memories with. I can remember sitting on his lap driving his truck, him buying a BB gun and teaching me to shoot, and one of my favorites is when at 5 years old he taught me to drive the riding lawnmower. He didn’t teach me so I could mow grass he taught me because I wanted to drive. I haven’t heard his voice in over 30 years, though I can still hear him singing “That’s my job” by Conway Twitty. As much as I love my Poppy he wouldn’t even be the first thing I looked for.
I wouldn’t look for money, toys, games, tools, or any of the things that I had lost. So now we are down to the stuff that is harder to quantify. I have lost respect from others for things I’ve done. I’ve lost self respect for the way I have lived at times. I have lost love, I have lost happiness, I have lost joy, I have lost time, I guess most importantly at one point I felt like I had lost God. The thing I lost that hurts the most, that I would look for first is Myself. I allowed myself to be twisted through life. I allowed myself to be distorted to conform. I allowed myself to become someone who I don’t always love, who I rarely like, and who I don’t place much value in.
I would look to find the Brad that I love, I would look to find the Brad I lost. Luckily when I felt like I lost God I hadn’t, thankfully when I don’t see a Brad worthy of love God does, and gracefully God sees a Brad worthy of a place on this planet with a purpose in his kingdom. I will find myself and I will Love me the way that God does. I am worthy, I am good enough, and I do deserve happiness.
I love y’all.
bradglenn79 