Jealous

If jealousy is a sin and I am trying to walk a Christian life, then why am I so jealous. Not jealous of things or people, I don’t want what anyone on this earth has. I work hard for what I have, both material things and relationships.

I have written about loss a lot because it’s something I struggle with. Having the people in your life pass on is so difficult. They have moved on from this world to a place where there is no sadness, no pain, no suffering. They are in the presence of our God and experiencing love like we can only imagine. I am so happy for my loved ones that have left the earth.

But I am flesh and bone, merely a man so with that being said I am jealous. They are in paradise and we are here on earth. They have no struggle no sadness, and some of us fight sadness to get through the day. They have no pain and I have friends that have to take medicine that destroys their body just to be able to function through the day.

I’m not jealous about them making it to paradise where they don’t hurt, don’t cry, don’t want for anything. What I am jealous of is that they found a way to be happy without me.

I love you.