In this life we are given so much, we are allowed so much, we are entrusted with so much. We hurt so much, cry so much, and lose so much. At times we do not see what we are given, because of how much we hurt. We overlook what we are allowed, focusing on the tears we cry. We pay no attention to what we are entrusted with lost in what we lose.
I was given more than I know what to do with in this life. I was given a family that is better and more loving than I deserve. I was given enough intelligence and ability to learn and do what I needed to, to be able to provide. I was given grace beyond measure when I didn’t deserve it. I was given forgiveness for sins that I committed knowing they were wrong. Most importantly I was given life by the creator of the universe.
I was also given pain unimaginable when I wasn’t prepared for it. I have always had a great relationship with my grandparents. When I was little I can remember sitting on Poppy’s knee to drive his truck, him at the end of the house teaching me how to shoot a B.B. gun, and the smile on his face the first time he let me drive the riding lawnmower. He was a special man. At times I thought he loved me more than anyone on the planet ever would. He would teach me to do things he thought I should know, he would teach me how he thought I should act. We celebrated his birthday on the 22nd of December in 1987 and of course Christmas a few days later. I was so excited to see him in just a week where we would celebrate my birthday. My mama got a phone call on the evening of the 28th from my daddy letting her know Poppy had had a heart attack, on the next day they pronounced him dead. I never got to say goodbye, I never got to hug his neck, I never got to tell him I love him, and I never got to make him proud.
I decided that God didn’t care about me because how would he let a nine year old boy have a birthday without his Poppy. It didn’t seem fair it didn’t seem right and it hurt more than I was prepared for. I grew up without him. I couldn’t see him smile when I done something right. I couldn’t hear him tell me how much he loved me. I couldn’t ride down the road in that old Ford pick up truck and sing Conway Twitty with him ever again.
I was lost in what I had lost. I was overlooking all I was given focusing on what was taken away. I changed that day. Not for the better but I definitely changed. For years I pushed it down. I refused to deal with it. I let that pain get lost in the clutter of my mind and pretend like it didn’t bother me. Then my life changed. I started focusing on what I was given, on what God entrusted me with, and on what I was supposed to do with it. I had to deal with the pain, cry, yell, hurt, and be angry so that I could move past it and truly love without the fear of loss.
If you haven’t lost, you will. If you haven’t hurt, it’s coming. If you focus on the loss, you will suffer in it. If you focus on what we are given, you will rise above the pain, above the loss, and you will truly find peace in what you have because you have God. I love you so much, and I hope I have made you proud.
bradglenn79 