My pastor was preaching Sunday when he used the statement; forgiven people, forgive people. I have always thought of myself as a decent person, with a decent heart, that means well. I have always tried to treat others the way I wanted to be treated, give my last dollar to someone in need and in more than one case actually given the shirt off of my back. I have also tried to “Forgive and Forget”. Just like we were taught God did with our sins.
This is where it gets tricky. There’s a person I can’t forgive! This person has let me down repeatedly, got my hopes up, and allowed me to come crashing down without even so much as an apology. He has caused me tears from emotional pain that I wasn’t prepared to handle. He has caused me physical pain on more than a few occasions. He has done all of this so often that it seems commonplace now. If he would ask for forgiveness I would try but I don’t know that I could.
Not being able to forgive this person has itself caused immense pain. There is a gnawing nagging ache inside. We know what we’re supposed to do. We are supposed to love we are supposed to forgive and we are then supposed to forget. I feel like a bad person, a bad Christian, a failure as a human being.
I always say I’m gonna do better I’m gonna try harder I’m gonna love more and I’m gonna forgive. Yet we end up right back in this same hole. This dark pit this ache this uneasiness this pain that I can’t shake.
Unfortunately on this post I have no questions to make you think. I have no “this is what I do” because I am struggling. I am looking for help for ideas for someone who has figured it out. Let me know I am willing to try anything.
Oh yeah before I forget the person I can’t forgive is ME.
bradglenn79 