Tuesday’s gone

As I stand on this roof trying to get through another day at work I have lots of time to contemplate; life, love, family, goals, and pitfalls. I take stock of the little good I have done and the great amount of good that was done for me by others. I take in all of this information and I wonder what is my place on this earth in the grand scheme of things where does Brad belong. If the world is but a stage what part do I play. In some stories I no doubt play the heel, the villain, the dregs of society. In some I play the hard worker who takes the job and gets it done no matter what. There are others that intrigue me more.

In a few I play the father who… that’s one that always has me scratching my head. Do my kids see me as a hard worker that always went above and beyond to make sure they had or do they see me as the father that worked too much to spend time with them when they needed it. I surely hope it’s the first and not the second. Some days I feel like I work too hard to make sure they have too much and don’t give them what they truly desire TIME. I know what it’s like to grow up with a father focused on other things, people, money, the high. I know how I longed for attention and blamed my mom for things out of her control. I have always fought to make my kids healthy, happy, respectful, and responsible. I have loved them unconditionally through everything and will forever. I have put myself in situations that were uncomfortable, difficult, and in some cases unsafe to make sure they never would. Have I led them down the wrong path? I taught them all that you can have anything in this life you want as long as you’re willing to work for it except salvation and that comes through God by no works of our own. I taught them to love everyone no matter skin color, position or prosperity, and no matter how they treated you. I have taught them it truly is better to give than to receive and to give fully expecting nothing in return.

Then there are other stories where Brad is the friend who….have I always been there for my friends? Have I let them down? Have I not showed them how important they were to me at some point? My friends are so very important to the person I am. They are the ones I run my stupid ideas by they are the ones who tell me they’re stupid ideas. They have made me laugh, cry, cry from laughing. They keep me grounded but keep me reaching for higher and higher heights. They push me to be all that I think I am supposed to be and they don’t let me give up. They encourage me daily even when they don’t see it. Have I done the same for them? Have I been there to say push a little further, try a little harder, I’ll catch you if you fall? Have I been an encouragement or a discouraging force in their lives? Do I keep them reaching or try to convince them they have enough and should stop trying? I hope I am to my friends what they have been to me.

There are some of the longest stories of my life. Brad is the family member who…is always there? Try’s to help? Makes us laugh? Makes us cry? Let’s us down? Is the biggest disappointment. I often wonder about these stories the most. My family is amazing. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents, wife. I was raised in one of the most forgiving groups of people you could imagine. They are accepting, loving, and demonstrative to a fault in some cases. We all hug and laugh and love the way I believe it’s supposed to be done. My greatest memories for most of my life center on and revolve around this amazing group of people. We have laughed with each other at each other and about each other more times than I can remember. We have cried with each other for each other and about each other as well. I know exactly what each and every one of them mean to me. I know what emotions stir when I see them I know what thoughts go through my head when I hear their name or their voice. What I don’t know is what they think when they see me how they feel when someone says my name or when they hear my voice. Have I been kind? Have I been loving? Have I been there to hold them up when they needed me or have I let them swing in the wind? Have I been worthy of their love, of their compassion, of their help, or have they done those things because “what you do for the least of men you do for me”?

I guess the point of this is before Tuesday’s gone or whatever day you read this ask yourself what role do I play? What is my part in this amazing production of life? Am I a heel, am I a villain, or am I someone’s hero? Am I playing the role I was put here to play and am I happy in the role I’m in? God puts all of these people in your life to teach you a lesson or so you can teach them, but he also puts every single one of them in our lives to be loved. Are they being loved?